How to Know Your Value and Set Boundaries for a Happier Life

In this candid, unscripted episode, Alessia Tenebruso dives deep into the topic of knowing your value and setting boundaries, both as a content creator and in everyday life. Inspired by a recent personal experience with a brand collaboration, Alessia shares how not acknowledging her own worth led to frustration and feeling undervalued, and how this can happen to anyone, whether in work, relationships, or personal commitments.

Through her story, Alessia offers practical advice on identifying areas where you might be accepting less than you deserve, and gives listeners a step-by-step guide to setting and maintaining boundaries, including communicating simply, not over-explaining, practicing with small boundaries, and being prepared to let people be disappointed. She emphasizes the importance of prioritizing self-respect, energy, and what feels good, rather than what merely looks good to others.

If you’ve ever struggled with people-pleasing, saying yes when you want to say no, or feeling drained from overcommitting, this episode will motivate you to reassess your limits and start honoring your true value, so you can create a life that’s aligned, fulfilling, and authentically yours.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Lessons from Content Creation
• 5:53 Know and Honor Your Worth
• 7:00 Setting and Enforcing Boundaries
• 12:29 Enforcing Boundaries with Consequences
• 13:24 Boundaries: Who Supports vs. Resists

Transcript

0:00

Welcome to the One Girl Travel Podcast. Episode number 102. Welcome to the One Girl Travel Podcast. Your passport to the world of solo travel with certified life and travel coach Alessia Tenebruso. Join Alessia as she shares her own journey of self discovery through solo travel while also focusing on topics such as life coaching insights and travel tips along the way. Now here's your host, Alessia Tenebruso. Welcome to episode number 102 of the One Girl Travel podcast. I was not planning on recording this episode when I'm doing it right now. I just felt compelled to record it because something literally just happened that has sparked something in me that I feel like I need to share. So I'm recording this podcast for you. I, I really don't script any of my podcasts. I don't know if you notice, I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but I feel like the podcast is somewhere to express thoughts and just real life and kind of give you like a behind the scenes of what's going on with me and also what I feel compelled to share with you. And this is something I definitely want to talk to you about and that's knowing your value. So if you don't already know, I am a content creator, I am a life coach, I am a social media consultant and brand visibility consultant and I, I wear many hats, right? And as a content creator, I like to work with brands and I create content for the brands. And you learn things when you do this. And I'm not speaking to any brand in particular, I'm definitely not mentioning names or anything like that or platforms. But when you're creating content, and I want you to use this example for your life and I'm sure it's applicable somewhere in your life. So when I work with brands, you get an offer for your content and then you agree to it or you don't agree to it, it's up to you. And then there's different things, like where are you posting it, how long does it stay up, who has rights to it, whatever. There's a lot of things to know about that. And I took this job and this was actually a first for me where the job I took, they didn't give me a brief or any information about what they wanted in the video. And so me being creative, I figure like I can put together a great video for them. That's no problem. Like, I got this, I have their information, I could pull whatever I need to, whatever. So I Created the video for them. It was excellent. This is a great video. And when they received it, they're like, there's some things that you're wearing or on your. On your body that are distracting, and we don't want that. That's not aligned with our brand. So can you re record it now? This would be great to know up front. I didn't have that information and I, you know, I want to make that brand happy. So I did what was asked and I rerecorded and I had to alter. Things to make sure that it was in alignment with their brand. And I recorded the video and I publish it. Whatever. The thing is. I, I met their guidelines, I followed instructions, I did what I had to do as a hired content creator. But with me doing that, I lowered my own personal value. I realized after I published it. And I, I love the product. Like, everything I said was truthful. And that's not an issue at all. It's just me realizing. It's my own frustration with myself realizing that I don't give myself enough credit. And I'm sure that you can relate to this where you're not giving yourself enough credit, that you're not acknowledging all of your skills and what your value truly is. And when we do that, when we don't acknowledge our value, we lower our standards, and then we fall out of alignment with ourselves and we give access to people that might not deserve that access. And the boundaries just aren't there. And boundaries are so crucial to a happy life. I have personally implemented more boundaries than I ever had, and it is amazing. I love boundaries. It's great. But you have to remember to put boundaries up in all areas of life, not just one area. So I want you to think about that. Like, where in your life are you not acknowledging your value? Because you can, you can know how amazing you are in a lot of things. But then there's one thing that maybe you're not acknowledging that you're decreasing your value, that you are allowing access to you at. At a discounted rate. And it doesn't feel good. It doesn't feel good when you do something that feels like you're almost getting taken advantage of, but you're not because you agreed to it. And that's something to think about. Where in your life are you accepting less than what you deserve? Is it in a relationship, in your job, in your social media, whatever it is? Like, where are you not getting what you deserve? And you're accepting less than. Because that needs to change. Because I know that doesn't feel good. And I'm sure you feel that way too. And you get to decide that you're no longer going to accept that. That you're only going to accept your worth. And the only way you can do that is knowing your worth, acknowledging it, writing it down. Write out your boundaries, what you're willing to accept and what you're not. I have to do that with my content creation. I have to know now. I will not accept jobs less than this price, or I will not post on these platforms, or I will not allow whitelisting for this amount of time without extra payment. Whatever it is for you, you need to acknowledge those limits and make sure that you don't accept anything that doesn't align with them. And I want you to take a moment just to really get clear on what that is in your life. Because it's one thing to say, like, okay, I'm not doing that again. I'll never accept less than again. But then, you know, the next day you're like, ooh, let me let you. Let me go do this. Because it's there or because it feels good or because they said sweet things to me. Whatever it is, you have to know what you're willing to accept. And then you have to implement that and put it into action. Where if somebody comes to you and they want to cross that boundary, how are you going to react to them? What are you going to tell them? Okay, I don't want to rant for too long because like I said, this is very fresh and I felt like I needed to share it because I don't want to see anybody else feeling this way and I don't want to feel this way anymore. So I need to make a declaration that I will no longer be accepting what I have previously accepted. And I want to share with you some actual steps that you can take to make sure that your boundaries are implemented and they are not crossed. So let's get into it. So the first thing is to get honest about what drains you. Before you set a boundary, you need to clarify. Ask yourself what conversations, habits, or people leave me feeling heavy. Where do I feel resentment or obligation? Because your resentment is going to be the compass that's pointing you to where the boundary is missing. The second thing is to communicate early and simply. Boundaries do not need a long backstory. Just keep it clean and short. You can easily say, I'm not available tonight. That doesn't work for me. I need more notice for things like this. Or, I'm happy to help, but not Right now, just be short, respectful and clear. That's it. And number three goes along with that. Don't over explain when you justify your no, you leave room for negotiation. A boundary is a statement and it's not an apology. You do not owe anybody an explanation for why you will or will not accept things. The fourth tip is to start small with low stake boundaries. So I want you to practice these in just easy areas of your life, like turning off your notifications when you're not working. Don't accept phone calls from your boss at 8pm or look at your emails when you're in bed trying to go to sleep. Say no to extra commitments. Leave an evening whenever you feel ready. Don't wait for somebody else to leave first. I've seen that all the time. I am not afraid of leaving first and if I'm ready to go, I will go. And that's okay. But these small boundaries make the bigger ones easier later. But you have to start practicing them now. This is a big one. Tip number five is let people be disappointed. As a people pleaser, this is the hardest part. Especially for me. I. I am a people pleaser. Or I was. I'm trying not to be. It's still deeply ingrained in me. I want everyone to be happy. I want everyone to get along. I, I think that's also me being a Libra too. But when you set boundaries, somebody will eventually not like it and that's okay. Their reaction is not your responsibility. You have no control over their emotions, their thoughts. That's on them. That's a them problem, not a you problem. So allow people to be disappointed and move on. Tip number six is to create structure around your energy. Protective boundaries aren't just with other people, they are also with yourself. And that means morning routines. In my previous podcast episode I talked about how I started implementing a morning routine and I am protecting that with all my might. Nothing is getting in my way of that because I know the benefits of having that routine and I know what's going to happen if I get thrown off. So. So I have to protect it. I will not allow anything to get in my way of showing up for myself. Time blocks for work. If you're committing to working during this time block, let that be a boundary. Stop letting people in during that dedicated time. Phone free evenings. If you tell yourself like I want to enjoy my partner or my kids or my family or just myself for a night, stay true to that. Don't just pick up the phone and not think about it and be like okay. It's all right if I just look at my phone? No. Like, set the boundary and stay with it. You are deserving of boundaries. You are deserving of peace. You deserve to have your own accountability. I'm sure that you're accountable to other people. Like, be accountable to yourself. Scheduling rest before you're exhausted. I was just talking to one of my cohorts today during our coworking session, and she was talking about scheduling pleasure into your day. Because I was telling her, like, I need, like, a dopamine hit in the middle of the day. I just get tired, my coffee's running out. I have adhd, so, like, there's only so much I can do. And I work long hours. So in the middle of the day, I start to feel that crash happening. And I know I'll feel better if I start scheduling, like, the dopamine hits. Like, just. Even if it's 15 minutes, 5 minutes, just some pleasure before I start burning out. And that is something that I'm going to start implementing more of in my life. But with all that being said, your time is your most valuable asset, so treat it like it matters. Tip number seven is follow through consistently. A boundary that is not enforced just becomes a suggestion. So if somebody crosses your boundary, you need to repeat it. You need to tell them, no, I am not accepting this. No, I am not available for this. Whatever it is, you need to repeat it to them. And then if they still continue to cross it, that's. And then if they still continue to cross your boundary, that's when you have to reinforce a consequence. What's going to happen if they continuously ignore your boundary and keep doing it, knowing that you said no, that you're not okay with this, and they keep doing it, what are you going to do about it then? Because that's not always the easy part when you're actually giving a consequence for their actions. But the only way to enforce your boundaries is by giving others a consequence when they repeatedly cross them. You need to show up consistently for yourself and your boundaries if you want others to respect them. And speaking of respect, tip number eight is surround yourself with people who respect your limits. Healthy people love boundaries because they create trust. Notice when you are implementing your boundaries, who's celebrating them? Who's so happy for you that you are setting this boundary, that you're taking time for yourself, or you're taking time away, or you're not saying yes to an obligation? And then also notice who's pulling you back. The people that are pulling you back, they're doing so because they want something from you. They don't respect your boundaries. They don't respect you. They want what they want and they will do what they have to do to get it from you. And you have to be so strong with your boundaries to not allow that to happen. My ninth tip is let no be a complete sentence. You do not have to be available for everything every time. Saying no to things that you don't feel great about is going to open up more opportunities for the things that you truly enjoy. So allow yourself to say no unapologetically. And then finally, tip number 10 is to prioritize what feels good, not what looks good. Your life is going to become so much easier when you're not performing for other people instead of what looks good to other people. Choose yourself. Choose your peace. Choose your energy. Choose being in alignment with yourself and choose what you desire, not what other people want from you or what other people expect or what you think you should be wanting or doing or accepting. Do what's right for you. And I really hope this helps you just set those boundaries for yourself. And stop saying yes to things that don't light you up. Stop saying yes to the things that feel icky afterwards. Because honestly, that's how I feel right now. And it's nobody else's fault. It's my own fault. I agreed to it. Nobody forced me to do anything. But now I know and I wouldn't have known unless I did it. So I'm allowing my experience to be a lesson for all of you so you might not have to go through it. Also, only say yes to the things that you want and allow yourself to say no wholeheartedly, and I really hope this helps you. And if you need further support, I am here to reach out to me. Send me a dm, email me and until next time, I will see you later. Bye. Thanks so much for tuning in to this episode of the One Girl Travel Podcast. If you're enjoying the show, please feel free to rate, subscribe and leave a review wherever you listen to your podcasts. You can find out more about your host on our website onegirltravel.com or follow her on Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, and TikTok. Thanks again for tuning in and we'll catch you in the next episode.