Episode 94: Becoming Your Own Best Friend

Do you ever wonder why it feels so uncomfortable to be alone? Whether it's dining solo at a restaurant, spending a day at the beach by yourself, or embarking on a solo trip, many of us struggle with our own company. This discomfort often stems from a fundamental issue: we haven't yet learned to become our own best friend.

The relationship you have with yourself creates the foundation for every other relationship in your life. When I began my solo travel journey in 2012, I was far from comfortable in my own skin. I constantly sought validation from others, deferred to their preferences, and prioritized their needs above my own. It wasn't until I deliberately worked on my relationship with myself that everything changed. As Diane von Furstenberg wisely noted, "When a woman becomes her own best friend, life is easier."

Becoming your own best friend means speaking to yourself with kindness instead of criticism, celebrating your achievements (no matter how small), offering yourself grace when you make mistakes, and prioritizing your wellbeing without guilt. This self-friendship delivers profound benefits: increased confidence that empowers you to pursue goals, improved mental health that buffers against stress and anxiety, clearer decision-making aligned with your authentic self, stronger relationships built on healthy boundaries, and greater resilience during life's inevitable challenges.

Solo time – whether through travel or simple daily activities – serves as the perfect catalyst for building this relationship. These moments allow you to discover what truly excites you without outside influence, develop self-reliance as you navigate new situations independently, and engage in honest self-reflection. Each solo experience becomes a stepping stone toward loving yourself more deeply.

Ready to strengthen your friendship with yourself? Start by recognizing your strengths, keeping an achievement journal, practicing positive affirmations, and incorporating small acts of self-care into your routine. Remember that growth happens outside your comfort zone, so embrace the discomfort of trying new th

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction and Return from Napa
• 3:26 Becoming Your Own Best Friend
• 7:53 Benefits of Self-Friendship
• 12:49 Solo Travel as Self-Discovery
• 16:31 Celebrating Your Strengths
• 18:32 Self-Care Without Guilt
• 22:39 Embracing Discomfort and Growth

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to the One Girl Travel Podcast, episode number 94.

Speaker 2: 0:05

Welcome to the One Girl Travel Podcast, your passport to the world of solo travel with certified life and travel coach, alessia Tenebruso. Join Alessia as she shares her own journey of self-discovery through solo travel, while also focusing on topics such as life coaching insights and travel tips along the way. Now here's your host, alessia Tenebruso.

Speaker 1: 0:32

Hello, my friends, and welcome to episode number 94 of the One Girl Travel Podcast. I am back from my trip to Napa, california. This was my first time ever going to Napa and man like going to Europe and back. I have no problem with jet lag, but for some reason, going to California and coming home, it's been a rough. It has been a rough few days of getting back on a normal sleep schedule, but I can share this warning with you. I booked an overnight flight from Napa to New York and we were originally supposed to leave at 11 pm and I kept getting text messages your flight's been pushed out. Your flight's been pushed out. Finally, our flight left at 1.30 in the morning. Now, if you're booking an overnight flight, you have to keep in mind like this is your time to sleep, like you need to get a good night's sleep, and it's not that easy to get a good night's sleep on a plane. And even though I did fall asleep for a few hours oh my gosh, I was just in rough shape these past few days trying to get acclimated back to my time zone. I don't know what happened. Like when I go to Europe, no problem at all, so easy. But California really threw me for a loop, but I'm back now. California was amazing. I'm happy to be home. It's already the end of July.

Speaker 1: 1:53

I feel like time is going by so quickly and I just want to really just soak in all of these summer days, because I feel like summer goes by so fast here in New York and I really want to make the most out of each day and the ways I've been doing that. One of the ways has been going to the beach to start my day, and I do want to do this more often, but I do it when I can, where I just pack my bag. I head to the beach by myself super early and I just enjoy a few hours at the beach alone. And when I do things like this, when I travel by myself or just do local outings by myself, I always reminisce about how uncomfortable I used to feel in my own company, and I know many of you might still feel this way. Where you're not comfortable being alone, you want somebody else with you to chat, to talk to, whatever. But the thought of being alone on a trip or at the beach, at a restaurant, whatever, feels uncomfortable to you, and it felt very uncomfortable for me in the beginning, when I first started my solo travel journey, but over time I learned to absolutely enjoy being by myself and spending time by myself, and the reason for that is because I learned how to become my own best friend, and that is today's podcast topic.

Speaker 1: 3:26

We're going to talk about how to be your own best friend, because I truly think it is the most important thing in the world. It is so important to have your own back, to support yourself, to love yourself, and I want to share ways for you to embrace becoming your own best friend, even if it feels super uncomfortable right now. So let's get into it. I want to start with this quote by Diane von Furstenberg, because I think this is the perfect quote for this episode. It goes when a woman becomes her own best friend, life is easier.

Speaker 1: 3:59

The most important relationship in your life is a relationship you have with yourself. Important relationship in your life is a relationship you have with yourself, and this is so true. You have to love yourself first before anyone can even love you the way that you want to be loved. You have to set the standard. You have to just love yourself and make an example of how you want to be loved, so everybody else knows how to show up for you. So once you become your own best friend, life is truly easier, because then you don't have to wait on anybody else. You can do anything at any time and enjoy yourself, and it just feels like freedom.

Speaker 1: 4:37

So keep that quote in mind, write it down, whatever you have to do to just remind yourself that being your best friend is the best thing that you can do for yourself. So what does it mean when you become your own best friend? What that means is you're speaking to yourself with love and encouragement, you're acknowledging and celebrating your achievements, no matter how small they might be. You're offering yourself grace and forgiveness when you make mistakes, and you prioritize your needs and well-being without feeling guilty. Now, with that in mind, let me ask you these two questions how do you currently treat yourself in comparison to how you treat your closest friends, and can you think of a recent situation where you could have been more compassionate towards yourself?

Speaker 1: 5:26

Now, I don't know about you, but I'm just assuming that you are probably similar to me, where I treat everybody else, or I used to treat everybody else so much better than I was treating myself. I was so considerate of everybody else's needs and wants and feelings and it came at the expense of not paying any attention to mine, allowing myself to feel like crap because I was trying to bring everybody else up and being attentive to them and how they felt, and I was struggling, but in my head I was like it's okay, because I'm taking care of them. I have to take care of them. They're more important. And I'm here to tell you that it's not true. You are important. You are worth the effort. You need to fill your cup up first before you can help other people. I'm sure you've heard that a million times, but it is so true. You cannot constantly be giving and just sharing and supporting everybody else if you're not giving yourself that same attention and love. You need to treat yourself the way that you want to be treated. Set the standard so that everybody else knows how to treat you.

Speaker 1: 6:48

But really think about how are you currently treating yourself in comparison to the people around you? And then a recent situation where you could have been more compassionate towards yourself. How are you speaking to yourself I'm sure you've heard this also like speak to yourself the way that you would speak to your best friend If you wouldn't tell your best friend oh you look so fat, oh you're so stupid. Oh man, that pimple makes you look ugly. Like you wouldn't say that to somebody else. Why are you saying that to yourself? Stop being mean to yourself. Support yourself. Love yourself yourself. Love yourself, celebrate yourself. Just stop being mean. Stop speaking to yourself poorly. It's not helpful. You might think it's helpful in the moment, but it's not. It's keeping you stuck. It's keeping you playing small.

Speaker 1: 7:43

You need to reassess how you show up for yourself, how you speak to yourself, how you respect yourself. So there are so many benefits of having a strong relationship with yourself, and the first one is increased self-confidence. I know for me, I was not confident when I began my solo travel journey, my whole evolution, back in 2012. I was not confident at all. I didn't like myself. I did not have much faith in myself. I didn't like being with myself. I felt uncomfortable in my own skin. But the more that I spent time with myself, the more I worked on my relationship with myself. That's when my confidence grew. And when you trust and believe in yourself, you're naturally going to feel confident, and it's this self-assurance that allows you to take on new challenges that you want in life and pursue your goals, knowing that you're capable. Because you actually believe in yourself, you have your own back, and that is so powerful. The next benefit is improved mental health. When you are your own best friend, you act as a buffer against stress and anxiety and depression, because you're providing yourself with the emotional support that you need, that you don't need to get from other people. You're able to navigate the life's ups and downs with yourself because you understand who you are and you're taking time to listen to yourself and to slow down and really figure out what it is you need in that moment.

Speaker 1: 9:15

It also helps with decision making. So this is a big one for me, because I used to be so indecisive. I used to ask everybody else oh, what do you want to do? Oh, what do you like I don't know. Like it was annoying because that's how I always was, and now I am such a decision maker. I know exactly what I want to do, when I want to do it, and also I'm a Libra and Libras are known to be indecisive. But now I'm like I know exactly what I want to do. I don't have to ask anybody's opinions. It feels so good, like I hope everybody experiences this. But when you have that clear understanding of your values and your desires, you're going to make decisions that align with your true self, and that leads to a more authentic and satisfying life.

Speaker 1: 10:05

The next benefit is stronger relationships with others. This one like preach. I feel like I'm going to start preaching on this one because, again, I said this many times already you have to set the standard for how other people treat you. So, when you're being your own best friend, that's setting the standard for how you expect to be treated by others. It helps you establish healthy boundaries and it also helps attract positive and supportive relationships.

Speaker 1: 10:33

When you are not your own best friend, if you don't have love for yourself, you're going to allow people to act a way that truly isn't respectful of who you are. You're accepting things that you should not be accepting. You need to put those boundaries in place, and the only way to really put those boundaries in place is when you have a strong love for yourself, when you respect yourself enough to set those boundaries to let somebody know if you cross that boundary, you're out of my life, you're done. I'm not doing this with you, and that takes work. This is not an overnight thing. It takes work, but it is something that you need to do. Having boundaries in your life is going to make you so much happier and so much stronger, and it's about practicing those boundaries. Start setting little boundaries and if somebody oversteps that boundary, let them know what the repercussion is. Don't keep going along with it. Don't keep letting them go over your boundary and staying around, because that's not showing them what you deserve. You need to show them what you're willing to accept, and nobody should be accepting less than what you're giving or less than what you deserve.

Speaker 1: 11:53

Finally, the last benefit is greater resilience. So when you have a strong self-relationship, it's going to equip you with the resilience to bounce back from setbacks. You're going to learn to rely on your inner strength and your resourcefulness when you're going through difficult times. You have your own back. You're your own biggest cheerleader. You know that you can overcome whatever obstacles come in your way because you know what you're capable of, and that is so important to keep going even though there's setbacks along your path.

Speaker 1: 12:27

So I do want to tie in this topic with solo travel, because solo travel, for me, was the catalyst from getting me from feeling uncomfortable, broken, shy, scared to confident and driven and loving myself and for you it doesn't have to be solo travel, but time by yourself. Focused time by yourself that is intentional is so powerful because it allows you to discover what you're passionate about without the influence of other people. I know if you've been on a trip with somebody else and you know they want to go to the museum, they want to go to the park, but all you want to do is lay on a beach lounger and drink cocktails, like you need to focus on what you want to do, because that's going to fill you up. That's what you need in the moment. And if you're constantly giving into what other people want to do if you, they want to run around to museums and stuff you're going to get burnt out because all you want to do is relax. So rediscover what you're passionate about, whether it's on a solo trip or just spending time by yourself.

Speaker 1: 13:34

Go for a walk and think about what it is that excites you. What did you used to enjoy when you were a child or before you got married or before you had kids? What made you you? And then start scheduling those things. Maybe you enjoyed hiking or going and trying new restaurants. Plan that for yourself. Go out and do it by yourself, because those are all stepping stones in how you become your own best friend. And also, when you spend time by yourself, it's going to build that self-reliance where you know how to navigate unfamiliar environments, where you can problem solve or you can make decisions by yourself. You feel empowered because you are taking control of your life. You're not depending on other people. Give yourself that. Allow yourself to keep building up your reliance on yourself. That way you're unstoppable. You can go out and do anything. And also self-reflection.

Speaker 1: 14:37

When you spend time by yourself, you have the time to listen to your own thoughts, and that can be terrifying. You have the time to listen to your own thoughts, and that can be terrifying. I know it freaked me out when I first started because my thoughts were not good thoughts. It was what are you doing? Why are you doing this? This was wrong. Why, like, are you crazy? This is nuts. What, like people are looking at you. It was just all of this fear that was coming up for me. But I allowed myself to listen to them and then I got into course correction. I would have a thought this was not a good idea and I'd tell myself you know this is something new. This is an experiment, so I can see if I enjoy this or not.

Speaker 1: 15:20

This is temporary, like you just have to listen to yourself and then navigate those thoughts in a supportive way that's going to help you get out of you know, that fear and being scared, into something that's more empowering and supportive, and also celebrate being by yourself when you're on your own and you're taking this time for yourself. Reflect back on yourself that you are awesome, like you are a badass for sitting at a cafe by yourself and pampering yourself with this alone time, with this beautiful cup of coffee or this pastry. That this is self-care. Taking time for yourself and being alone and being with your thoughts and doing things that you enjoy is a form of self-care. So one of the ways to really become your own best friend is to recognize your strengths and celebrate yourself, and some ways that you can do that is doing a self-inventory by taking a moment to list out your strengths, your talents and your qualities and reflect on how these attributes have helped you navigate life's challenges and achieve your goals and it can just be anything from childhood on to now. List them out and really think about like talents that you might have forgotten about.

Speaker 1: 16:43

For me, I've been getting more and more into art again. That was something I really loved as a child. I was always very good at and I haven't done it in a long time in a non-digital way. And now I am painting, I'm sculpting, I'm doing crafts and it feels so good, but I wouldn't have thought about it unless I wrote it down and I realized, hey, I really enjoyed this as a child. I need to do more of it now.

Speaker 1: 17:08

The next thing that you can do is have an achievement journal. So you want to keep a journal where you record your daily, weekly or monthly achievements, no matter how small. Write down every achievement, whether you went out by yourself for coffee, maybe you took time for yourself to meditate, whatever it is. Write it down. That way you can always celebrate yourself, because the goal here, when you're your own best friend, is to be your biggest support system and cheerleader. The next thing that you can do to really boost your confidence is positive affirmations and I know we all probably heard of positive affirmations, but we all don't do it and to be mindful of actually implementing positive affirmations into your daily routine. It makes a difference when you're telling yourself things like I am capable, I am confident, I got this, I trust in my abilities, I deserve success and happiness, I am a money magnet, whatever it is. You're just reaffirming what you want from the universe, what you want from your life, and it gets you out of the habit of saying negative things and it will help you when you do find those non-supportive thoughts coming up for yourself. You can reframe it and you can remind yourself of how amazing you truly are.

Speaker 1: 18:32

The biggest thing here is self-care. You have to take care of yourself like you would your best friend, right? You would give so much love to your best friend or the people that you love, and you need to show yourself that same love and respect. And that's all fine and dandy, right, like I love myself, that's great. But how are you showing that to yourself? How are you actually implementing self love and self care into your day without feeling guilty or overwhelmed? Because I know if you are a caretaker, if you're a parent, if you are a worker, whatever it is you have a lot of responsibilities and sometimes it feels that taking time for yourself feels selfish.

Speaker 1: 19:20

But I am here to remind you that self-care is not selfish. It is important, it is necessary and it is something that you might need to schedule on your calendar. But in order to start getting that routine of self-care into your life, it helps when you start off small. Don't go for, like the big thing, that you're going to go to a five-day long spa retreat somewhere when you haven't left the house in two years. Start small, find something that's manageable, find things that you can gradually build on and from there you just incorporate one new habit at a time so you don't feel overwhelmed. It's little turtle steps. Try something, try something else, let it grow and let it just blossom into what feels good to you. And, like I said, scheduling self-care, treat self-care as an essential appointment, just like you would for your doctors, for your work appointments, for your kids, whatever events. Put it on your calendar. Make that a non-negotiable for yourself, that you have this planned and this is for you. And I'm sure you will try to talk yourself out of it and be like, oh no, I can wait until next week or next month. Don't do that. Do it now.

Speaker 1: 20:44

Life is too short to keep pushing yourself off, to keep pushing off the things that you want to enjoy in life. Let yourself be the priority and schedule those things, and then you can also combine activities so you can take these self-care things that you want to do and add them into your existing routine. So let's say that you know you put on your makeup every day for work, listen to a podcast while you're doing it, or maybe while you're driving to work, do a few deep breaths just to ground yourself. There's these little ways of showing yourself love that you can just do throughout your day that don't really take that much extra effort. And also be flexible. Understand that self-care routines might need to be changed because there are different circumstances that come up. Don't add extra stress because you're trying to show yourself self-love and it feels stressful and hard. Just adapt, you know. Change things around, allow yourself to show yourself grace and just go from there, but still make it a priority without beating yourself up about it. And then also seek support. If you need some help with your self-care, with your goals that you want to start implementing in your life, maybe chat with a friend who's going through something similar, or maybe join a meetup group with people that have the same interests. There are so many ways to have that support where you don't have to do this on your own. Where you can feel that accountability to a group because that helps a lot of people to be accountable for your goals is when you're sharing it with a group. So find what works for you.

Speaker 1: 22:34

And the final thing that I want to touch on on this episode is embracing discomfort. I know what it's like to feel uncomfortable starting something new. We all do right, but the thing is, allow it to be uncomfortable, but do it anyway. It's not until you step outside your comfort zone that you're going to find growth. You're going to find a whole new world unlocking and unfolding for you because you stepped out of what's familiar and what feels safe. And what feels safe to you right now is probably the thing that's holding you back. So it's really not safe. It's keeping you stuck, it's keeping you small. Start just testing the waters outside your comfort zone, and that means, if you're not comfortable doing anything alone, start doing something alone. Start by going to a cafe and getting a coffee and just sitting there without a book, without a phone, without a distraction, and just be alone with your thoughts and then just write it down if you need, like whatever you have to do, to just be aware of yourself in that moment. Look around you, look at the details of the cafe, smell your coffee, look at what people are wearing. Just be present.

Speaker 1: 23:57

There's so many things that keep us stuck due to fear, due to not knowing. Keep us stuck due to fear, due to not knowing how it's going to turn out, because it's not something we ever did before or it's something we haven't done in a long time and we don't know if we're going to succeed or not. But the thing is, if you don't try, then you failed. You can't fail if you try. All it is is it's an experiment. You try and you see if you like it, you see if it works and if it doesn't, you pivot and you alter your course and you figure out how to make it work. And that's what life is, and that's what being your own best friend is. You don't allow your best friend to give up on their dreams or just to not live their life out of fear. You cheer them on, you tell them that they're capable. Do the same thing for yourself.

Speaker 1: 24:52

There is so much living to do and it breaks my heart to think about I'm going to say women in this case, but everybody. There are so many people out there that aren't truly living their life because they're scared to step outside their comfort zone, they're scared to try something new, they're scared of failing. You got to get over that. If you want to live, and if you want to live the life that you've always wanted, it's time to start stepping up. It's time to start being bold.

Speaker 1: 25:24

It's time to start loving yourself. Love yourself so much that you have your own back to do anything that you desire in this life. And if you need support, I am here for you, whether it's through life coaching or whether it's with your business. I got you. So reach out to me, click the link in show notes and book a discovery call with me, because my goal here is to make sure that everybody is going after their dreams, that everybody is living a life that they love and they feel good about and they're loving themselves throughout all of it. And they feel good about and they're loving themselves throughout all of it. And I'm so passionate about this and I really hope that this message hits for you, that you get it and that it motivates you to go out and start really becoming your own best friend. So until next time, I will see you next week.

Speaker 2: 26:26

Bye. Thanks so much for tuning in to this episode of the one girl travel podcast. If you're enjoying the show, please feel free to rate, subscribe and leave a review. Wherever you listen to your podcasts, you can find out more about your host on our website, one girl travelcom, or follow her on Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest and TikTok. Thanks again for tuning in and we'll catch you in the next episode.