Welcome to the One Girl Travel podcast. Your passport to the world of solo travel. With certified life and travel coach Alessia Tenebruso. Join Alessia as she shares her own journey of self-discovery through solo travel while also focusing on topics such as life coaching insights and travel tips along the way.
Do you ever feel guilty for wanting a moment to yourself? In this episode of the One Girl Travel Podcast, Alessia Tenebruso shares her insights on why taking time for yourself is not only important but also essential for your well-being. Whether you're overwhelmed by parenting, caregiving, or a demanding job, Alessia offers practical strategies to integrate self-care into your busy life. Learn the art of setting boundaries and saying no, and find out how even small acts like a solo trip to the store can make a big difference. Discover how self-care can help you maintain your identity and recharge, making you a more fulfilled and effective person for those you care about.
Guilt often comes hand-in-hand with self-care, especially in a world that equates busyness with worthiness. Alessia tackles this head-on, discussing why many of us feel unworthy or fear disappointing others when we prioritize our own needs. She provides actionable tools to overcome these feelings, from replacing societal expectations with affirmations to gradually incorporating more significant self-care activities into your routine. Embrace the necessity of self-care and celebrate your personal wins, all while surrounding yourself with supportive people. Tune in and be inspired to make self-care a non-negotiable part of your life, and learn how the One Girl Travel Club can support you on this journey.
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Welcome to the One Girl Travel Podcast, your passport to the world of solo travel with certified life and travel coach, Alessia Tenebruso. Join Alessia as she shares her own journey of self-discovery through solo travel, while also focusing on topics such as life coaching insights and travel tips along the way. Now here's your host, Alessia Tenebruso.
Speaker 2:
Welcome to the One Girl Travel Podcast, episode number 84. Hello, my friends, and welcome to episode number 84 of the One Girl Travel Podcast. Today, I want to talk to all of you about something that's so important, and it's about taking time for yourself without the feelings of guilt attached to it. Now, many of you might be a parent or a caretaker, or you just have a lot of responsibilities on your plate and the aspect of solo traveling sounds amazing. You would love to do it, but you don't have the time or the money or the time off of work, and you might think that solo travel isn't accessible for you right now, at this stage of your life. So you're waiting on someday, someday when things calm down or the kids get older or you don't have as many responsibilities. But I'm here to tell you you do not need to wait for someday. There are ways to create this solo travel lifestyle for yourself now. Even if your circumstances don't allow you to hop on a plane and go on a week-long trip to Europe, you can have that feeling of solo travel for time for yourself to enjoy what you love doing right now, and I met up with a friend for coffee last week and we were having this conversation, she's a mother and she was saying how she went on her first solo outing. And I actually heard very similar stories from many of you when I have conversations with you where you'll you know you might be a parent or a caretaker or just somebody that's super busy and you go out for the first time by yourself. You make that decision to take time for yourself, for your needs, and some of you it might look like a trip to Target and just spending a couple hours shopping or grabbing a Starbucks or something, but for others it's getting a hotel in a nearby town and just spending the night alone. And I have to tell you how powerful that is to first make that decision, because I understand it's not easy to dedicate that time for yourself, that money for yourself, and to go off and do something alone and leave your spouse, your partner, your kids, your partner, your kids, whoever your family, behind and say, no, I'm doing this for me. But to do that is so important and I urge all of you to do this for yourself at least quarterly, like once a quarter. Go and treat yourself to a night in a hotel alone, a dinner by yourself, go to a Broadway show, a museum, a concert. There are endless things for you to do by yourself. The most important thing is that you do it because it fills you up.
Speaker 2:
Oftentimes, when we get into relationships, start a family, start a new job, whatever we are so bombarded with everybody else's needs and we are trying to help everybody do everything and we stretch ourselves thin because we're just trying to keep up with all of it, all the responsibilities, everybody's feelings, everyone's needs. But what about you? When was the last time that you took a moment for yourself to do the things that just make you feel like you? Do you even know what makes you feel like you anymore? Think about when you were younger, all the things that you once enjoyed. When's the last time you did those things?
Speaker 2:
This podcast is for you to start doing the things that make you feel like yourself and to get back to who you are and not lose your identity. And to get back to who you are and not lose your identity Because, yes, you might be a mother, a caretaker, a worker, a boss, a wife, a partner, whatever you have all these labels, but you are still you. You still enjoy certain things and they make you happy and they give you energy, they fill up your cup, and I want you to go out and do those things because it is so important and when you decide to do those things, to not add on guilt, so I get it To make that decision. To go out and do something for yourself, that's hard enough, right, but then to do it and not feel guilty about it, that's a whole other barrier that you need to jump across, because there is no need to feel guilty for doing the things that make you happy. When you do things that bring you joy, they are just going to improve who you are as a person. They're going to recharge you, they're going to make you happy, they're going to give you energy, they're going to give you whatever it is that you need from that action. And then you return back to your job, back to your family, back to your partner, and you are a better version of yourself because you checked in with your body, your mind, your spirit. You know who you are. You did what your body is craving for you to do and there should be no guilt attached to that.
Speaker 2:
Why do you feel guilty for doing something for yourself? Like, take a moment and really think about that. Let's say that you book a hotel for yourself. Maybe you're going to a spa, go into a spa for yourself for a day. You're going to leave the partner at home, the kids, the work. You're going to leave it for a day and you're going to do something for yourself.
Speaker 2:
What is it about that that makes you feel guilt? It might be disappointing others. It might be the feeling of worthiness. Maybe you don't feel worthy for that time or money or energy. Maybe it's worrying about what other people might think. How dare she go to a spa by herself? What other people might think how dare she go to a spa by herself? How dare she not bring her kids that birthday party? How dare she not go to that meeting at work? Today? The guilt is all in your head. Nobody can make you feel guilty, right? There's nothing that anyone can do to make you feel guilty. You can choose to feel guilty by somebody's actions or words to you. You can choose to feel guilty or you can choose to not feel guilty and to feel confident with your decision for taking time for yourself.
Speaker 2:
And that's really like the make or break point, when you acknowledge that you are worthy of this time. You are worthy of this energy, this investment of money in whatever it is that you want to do, that will bring you joy, and you are unapologetic about it because you know that it's going to just help you and, in return, help everybody else around you. And this is something that I teach in the Make the World your Playground Masterclass. In the Masterclass, I help women realize, like what was the thing that once brought you joy and when's the last time you did it? And then it's how can you start doing it now? How can you incorporate those feelings of joy in your life now? And then, how do you get over the guilt of actually doing it now? I'm sure you're thinking like, yeah, alessia, easier said than done, I have a lot going on right now. My kids need my time. My kids need my attention. My job is overwhelming me. I need to be there. My partner cannot survive without me helping them. Those are all just thoughts. Those are not facts. All just thoughts. Those are not facts. They'll survive or you'll figure out a way to make sure that they're doing. Okay.
Speaker 2:
While you take this time for yourself, there's always a solution right. But when it comes to giving up that guilt to focus on yourself and your needs. There are some tools that you can use to help you overcome this. So the first tool is to acknowledge your deservingness. Remind yourself that self-care is not selfish and I say this often with solo travel. Solo travel is self-care, and self-care is not selfish. It is essential. You deserve to prioritize your well-being, your happiness and your personal growth, just like anybody else. You deserve that attention.
Speaker 2:
The next tool is recognize the benefits of taking this time for yourself. Realize that when you take the time for yourself to do the things that make you feel good and bring you joy, you are recharging yourself and you are going to return more present and capable for every single aspect of your life. After that, we've all heard the saying you can't pour from an empty cup. You need to recharge yourself, you need to do the things that fulfill you and bring you joy, because that's going to make you happy, and when you're happy, that happiness is going to flow to everybody else around you. They're all going to experience that feeling of happiness and everybody else is going to benefit when you feel good.
Speaker 2:
And then the next tool is to challenge the guilt. So, whenever you feel guilty, ask yourself why. Why do you feel guilty? Is this belief rooted by society and their expectations of you, or maybe you're conditioned to think a certain way. Challenge these thoughts and replace them with affirmations that are going to support your right to enjoying self-care and the things that bring you happiness. Set boundaries for yourself.
Speaker 2:
Practice saying no. So this is so important because I I have heard people many, many times like they want to say no right, but then they have to think of a lie for why they're saying no without like so they don't hurt somebody else's feelings or they don't want to look bad. So, instead of just simply saying no, they will spend hours, hours trying to think of the right thing to respond to whoever, with why they're not going to do it, and it will drive them nuts and they will be so stressed out because they have to say no Right, when simply no is a full sentence. You can just say no. You're allowed to say no. You do not have to say yes to everything. You do not have to give an explanation of why you don't want to do something. You can just simply say thank you, but I'm going to pass on that, or no thank you, I'm going to do something else Like. You do not need to come up with this elaborate story and drive yourself nuts and stressing about oh, what are they going to think of me for saying no, like? Just stop. Stop.
Speaker 2:
Give yourself permission to say no and allow yourself to prioritize what brings you joy, what feels like self-care, what feels like a hell? Yes, brings you joy. What feels like self-care? What feels like a hell yes. I forgot who said it. But if it's not a hell yes, it's a no Like. Don't do the things that you don't want to do. It's as simple as that.
Speaker 2:
And then there's start small. Begin with small acts of self-care that just take a few minutes but will lead to bigger things. Like that's going to help you just flex your muscle of habit building so you're comfortable with doing things for yourself and you're going to ease into it, and then, gradually, you can start doing bigger things for yourself. For example, maybe you take a few minutes out of your day and take a long shower Not the fast shower, take the long shower, take the slow shower. Maybe spend a few minutes leisurely putting on body oils and lotions instead of the frantic rub the lotion and hurry up so you can get started on your day. Trust me, I've been there plenty of times I've been really trying to be mindful of my putting on lotion process and having a slower, more leisurely experience when it comes to self-care, because I have been guilty of just trying to rush through it and I have realized how important it is to take that time and to slow down and to not get caught up in the chaos of all the to-dos and instead focus some time on myself and be intentional with that time.
Speaker 2:
So as you start doing that, as you start prioritizing your self-care in little increments, then maybe you'll go take yourself out for lunch, maybe you'll go and get a manicure, maybe you'll go and book a hotel for yourself, maybe you'll go and book a seven-day solo trip for yourself, or join me on one of the one girl travel group trips, like whatever it is, whatever you need and that's going to bring you joy, just start building that muscle of prioritizing your self-care. Then also, I would like you to reframe self-care as a necessity. When you view self-care as something that keeps you functioning at your best performance, that's a necessity, just like you would for your car. You wash it, you take it for oil changes, you take care of it, make sure it's clean. You want to make sure it runs smoothly, you have to do the same thing for yourself. When you focus on your own self-care, it's going to help you operate effectively in all areas of your life. So self-care is not optional, it is necessity.
Speaker 2:
The next tool is to surround yourself with supportive people. So engage with friends, your family and communities that are actually going to encourage your self-care and your self-love, rather than being like how could you do that? The next tool is to surround yourself with supportive people. So engage with friends, family members and communities that encourage your self-care and your self-love and the journey that you're on on focusing on yourself. When you have those positive reinforcements around you, that's going to help you reduce the guilt, because they're encouraging you to go after what feels good. They understand where you're coming from. They understand the importance of this decision is for you to take that time for yourself and they celebrate it rather than judge you.
Speaker 2:
You'll be surprised by how people react to things that scare them or make them uncomfortable, and you might have people in your life that are not prioritizing the things that bring them joy. And when you tell them like hey, I just booked a spa retreat for myself for the weekend, I am so excited I'm leaving my partner at home, I'm leaving the kids at home and I'm just taking this time for myself. That might trigger them, because they can't fathom doing that for themselves and they might ask you, like, how could you do that? How can you just leave them behind, like shouldn't you be saving money for whatever? Or, oh, I would feel so guilty if I did that Like they're just going to project. And that's when you really need to remind yourself of your worth and that you deserve this, and what you're doing is going to benefit everybody else in your life.
Speaker 2:
So be careful of who you share things with. Protect your energy, protect your peace, find people that get you and again, that's why I love having the One Girl Travel Club. In the club, you have a community, you have me. You have people that are going to support you and encourage you and celebrate when you take time for yourself, because that's what we're about. So if you're looking for a community that gets you and wants to celebrate with you, come join us in the One Girl Travel Club and then there's celebrate your wins. I want you to acknowledge and celebrate when you take time for yourself Instead of feeling guilt about it. Like, celebrate it, I did this for myself. I feel so good. I'm going to make this something that I put on the calendar every quarter, by recognizing these moments as victories are going to help you reinforce that prioritizing your needs is something to be proud of. You are making yourself a priority and that is amazing. Congratulations. Keep it up Again. Flex that muscle of just self-care and doing things for yourself and finding that joy.
Speaker 2:
The next tool is to let go of perfection. So I get it. I am so guilty of trying to be a perfectionist Like I am very guilty of this but it is possible to let it go and it is so freeing once you do, once you just let go of the thoughts that you do not need to be everything to everybody. You do not have to accommodate everybody else's needs over your own. You're allowed to take breaks. You're allowed to change your mind. You're allowed to pivot. You're allowed to change your mind. You're allowed to pivot. You don't have to force yourself to do things you don't want to do. That just feels so good and that alone is such a powerful form of self-care when you just let it go and you just brush it off, laugh it off, learn as you go and know that there is no perfection. It is all an experiment of life. It's all our first times at life and you're figuring it out.
Speaker 2:
And then, finally, the last tool I have for you for getting rid of the guilt for your self-care is to actually visualize the long-term effects of taking time for yourself and doing things that make you happy. Like picture yourself in the future, right, do you think that your future self is going to regret the moments that you took yourself out for a night in a hotel or to a Broadway show by yourself, or out to dinner or for a solo trip? Like, do you really think your future self would be like oh, I wish I didn't do that. Or do you think your future self is going to wish that you had allowed yourself to have more joy and relaxation? Or are you going to be somebody where in the future, you're going to say I wish I did that, I wish I took the trip, I wish I took the pottery class, I wish I went dancing more, I wish I saw that band before they broke up, I wish I went to that Broadway show before it went off Broadway.
Speaker 2:
Like, time is constantly moving and if you don't take action, it's going to pass you by and you're going to miss out. So do you really want to look back at your life and say I wish I did that? I really hope the answer is no. I really hope you don't want to do that. Don't have regrets, don't wish that you did things. Do them now. Do them when you're scared. Do them when you're unsure of yourself. Do them when you don't know what you're doing. Like, just do it. Just go and do the things that are calling to you. You are worth the time that are calling to you. You are worth the time, the energy, the money. You are worth all of it, and taking that time for yourself is going to truly benefit everybody else in your life and every aspect of your life. So stop waiting, start taking action and doing the things that bring you joy, and get clear on what brings you joy Truly, like think about what you enjoyed as a child, because most likely the things that you enjoyed as a child is what you still continue to enjoy now as an adult and then think about how can you implement those things into your life now.
Speaker 2:
I highly recommend, like take a class pottery class, painting class, language class, cooking class, whatever dance class, like there are so many options out there. Anything that you want to learn to do, there's a class for it. Anything that you want to go out and do, there's probably a group for it. Or you can do it by yourself, like it doesn't matter. There are endless possibilities available to you and they don't have to cost a lot of money to do it. They don't have to take up a lot of time. You can spend a few minutes, an hour a day, or a week, or a year, whatever. Whatever it is that you want to do, it's available to you. You just have to take that step and you have to give yourself permission to do it, and to do it without the guilt.
Speaker 2:
So, my friends, I hope this podcast spoke to you and inspires you to take action, to go do something for yourself without any guilt attached to it and please, once you go out and do it, let me know. Let me know what you did. I have the One Girl Travel Inner Circle group on Facebook. It is a public, free Facebook group. You can go in there and share, celebrate. Let us know what it is you did for yourself. I'll be cheering you on and I hope you're cheering yourself on too.
Speaker 2:
And if you want to go deeper with this work, then join me in the One Girl Travel Club. Did you know the One Girl Travel Club? Did you know the One Girl Travel Club is my premier membership, where we meet, live on Zoom, we have these incredible conversations, we have this community, we have a library with extensive workbooks, lessons, worksheets expensive workbooks, lessons, worksheets all the things, and it's all available to you. So join us in the One Girl Travel Club. I would love to have you there as a member. So thank you so much for tuning in today. Go out and just do the things that bring you joy. My friends, I'll talk to you next week. Bye.
Speaker 1:
Thanks so much for tuning in to this episode of the one girl travel podcast. If you're enjoying the show, please feel free to rate, subscribe and leave a review wherever you listen to your podcasts. You can find out more about your host on our website, one girl travelcom, or follow her on Instagram, facebook, pinterest and Tik TOK. Thanks again for tuning in and we'll catch you in the next episode.
