Episode 83: Embrace Change

Ready to embark on an adventure of self-discovery and transformation? Join me, Alessia Tenebruso, as I reveal the exciting details about our first-ever One Girl Travel group cruise, the Voyage Collective at Sea. Set sail with us from Miami on March 23rd, 2025, as we explore breathtaking destinations like Porto Plata, St. Thomas, Tortola, and Great Stirrup Cay aboard the luxurious Norwegian Encore. This journey is perfect for solo travelers, families, and friends, promising a week filled with fun, adventure, and self-care. I'll also share my personal story of leaving a 14-year corporate career to become a full-time entrepreneur, reflecting on the exhilarating yet challenging path of pursuing one's dreams.

Curious about the emotional and practical aspects of significant life changes? Let's discuss how to navigate these transformations using Martha Beck's insightful framework. From accepting uncertainty with the mantra, “I don’t know what the hell is going on, and that’s okay,” to dreaming and visualizing your future, and finally taking bold steps in "The Hero's Saga," where action meets resilience. We'll explore the power of vision boards, the importance of support, and embracing the idea that "There are no rules and that's okay." Tune in for an uplifting episode packed with inspiration, practical advice, and the transformative power of stepping outside your comfort zone.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Voyage Collective at Sea Cruise Announcement
• 15:37 Navigating Phases of Personal Transformation

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to the One Girl Travel Podcast, episode number 83.

Speaker 2: 0:04

Welcome to the One Girl Travel Podcast, your passport to the world of solo travel with certified life and travel coach, alessia Tenebruso. Join Alessia as she shares her own journey of self-discovery through solo travel, while also focusing on topics such as life coaching insights and travel tips along the way. Now here's your host, alessia Tenebruso.

Speaker 1: 0:30

Hello, my friends, and welcome to episode number 83 of the One Girl Travel Podcast. Before we get started with today's podcast topic, I want to tell you about something so exciting we have the first ever One Girl Travel group cruise. I love cruising. I began my solo travel journey cruising. Cruising is very near and dear to my heart and that is why I created the Voyage Collective at Sea the first one girl travel group cruise. And this cruise is open to everybody. So females, males, children, families, friends, whoever wants to come, you're all invited to come.

Speaker 1: 1:17

And this trip is all about having fun, meeting new people, going to beautiful destinations. Meeting new people going to beautiful destinations and just trying new things, getting outside your comfort zone and also treating yourself. Vacations are self-care and being around amazing people and having that good energy where you're surrounded by community, having new adventures. It is so powerful and I'm very, very excited to bring this experience to you. So it's happening on March 23rd through the 30th of 2025. And we're going from Miami. It's round trip out of Miami, with stops in Porto Plata, st Thomas Tortola and Great Stirrup Cay. Now this trip is going to be a seven-night trip. We have these beautiful destinations, we have special rates for you. We have balconies and inside that we priced out and we have special rates for One Girl Travel Club members, which they are saving $207, right? The membership for a year only costs $197. So this is your opportunity to join the One Girl Travel Club at $197. And then you're going to get all that money back when you book your cruise, because you're saving even more than that $207. So I would love to have you in the One Girl Travel Club and I definitely want to see you go on this trip with me. So take advantage of that offer. But this trip is going to be so much fun.

Speaker 1: 2:54

It's on one of my favorite cruise lines, norwegian Cruise Line. I have been on 11 Norwegian cruises in my gosh, my 12 years of cruising. I love Norwegian. I think they are the best cruise line I have been on. Like I said, I've been on 11 Norwegian cruises and I have been on this particular ship. It is called the Encore. I cruised on the Encore for my Alaska cruise in 2022 and that was one of the best cruises I have ever taken. So I am very excited to return back to the Encore and share this beautiful ship with you. So go check it out.

Speaker 1: 3:34

This ship has everything Like. There is this huge go-kart track on the top deck of the ship. It's gigantic. They have this virtual reality room, which is so much fun. I love VR, so it's great.

Speaker 1: 3:48

They have the best restaurants ever, so they have all these complimentary restaurants and then they have specialty upgrade restaurants, which are phenomenal, and you are getting two vouchers for specialty dining when you book with us. You're also getting unlimited beverage package, which is huge. That adds up, so to have unlimited beverages during your trip makes a big difference. Plus, you're going to have credit for Wi-Fi and cruise excursions, so take advantage of this. We're giving you everything. Also, I personally will be inviting you to the One Girl Travel private community for this cruise, where we will meet with each other once a month on Zoom. We'll all get to know each other pre-cruise, so you're going to have friends before you even step on board. Plus, you're going to interact with each other within the Facebook community. I'll be sharing all my tips and tricks with you and, of course, offering you support along the way. So, again, this is not just a vacation. This is a experience. You're getting a coach and a trip all in one and, again, I would love to have you join us on the Voyage Collective at Sea, march 23rd through 30th 2025. Go check it out and if you have any questions, please feel free to reach out to me, whether on social media or through email contact at onegirltravelcom, and I will be happy to answer any questions you may have.

Speaker 1: 5:19

Now let's get into the show. Today I want to talk to you about reinvention. So some of you might know I always feel weird about repeating myself, but I just got off the phone with one of my mentors and she's like you need to repeat yourself. People don't remember things or they miss things, and I just assume everybody knows everything I ever said. So let me repeat myself. In January of this year I resigned from my 14-year corporate career. I worked in electronic connector distribution. I know it's the most random niche ever, but I was there for 14 years and I decided that my dreams were worth taking a risk and I resigned January 2nd I gave my notice and I have been a full-time entrepreneur for the majority of 2024.

Speaker 1: 6:11

Now it has come, with lots of ups and downs, lots of curve balls. I wasn't expecting lots of emotion, that kind of anticipated, but you never know what's going to hit you and when, but going from 14 years of having the same routine, having the same job, having the same schedule all of that and then completely just changing your life, reinventing your life, to something that you get to choose how you want to live each day, it sounds great, right? It's not so easy, though. It's not so easy to know what you're going to do every day and how you're going to do it and how you're going to get it all done. How are you going to pay attention? What is your incentive for that day to make sure that you get your work done? Who is telling you to get your work done? You're responsible for yourself. There are so many things going into this and don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to discourage anybody from becoming an entrepreneur, but just know it's really freaking hard. It is not easy.

Speaker 1: 7:19

And to take that chance on yourself where you are giving up that steady paycheck and that insurance and the vacation days and all those things that felt secure and safe and just jump without a parachute it is an experience and I have no regrets at all is an experience, and I have no regrets at all. The day that I left my job, I really never gave it a second thought the work anyways, the people I think about all the time. I love my coworkers, but the job itself. I don't miss that. No, I love what I do. I knew I would regret not going all in on one girl travel, because the way that I was living basically parallel lives of a corporate full-time job whereas dedicating 11 hours a day to this job, then building one girl travel in my spare time, I knew that I couldn't build my brand to what I imagined it to be because I wasn't giving all of me to that effort. And now here I am and I do get to dedicate my entire life to my brand, to my business, to you.

Speaker 1: 8:40

And with that comes a lot of thoughts, sometimes some self-doubt whether I am capable of doing this, whether I am going to succeed. And don't get me wrong, in the back of my head I'm like, yeah, I got this, I'm going to figure it out, I know. But there's days where I'm like what the hell am I doing? Why am I doing this? Nobody likes this, I'm failing. You know, all of those just thoughts that do not serve me, do not serve you, just these beliefs that maybe I'm not good enough, maybe not. Everybody needs a life coach or a travel coach.

Speaker 1: 9:25

But then I hear from you, I read reviews or I get messages on social media or my emails telling me that you went for your first meal by yourself or your first trip camping solo, going to a concert by yourself and having that confidence because of something I said on my podcast or wrote about in the newsletter or on social media, and I get those reminders that what I'm doing matters and it just helps so much. Get back to my why. Get back to my why, why I'm doing this and that I am capable, that I am smart enough that I can figure out anything. And I am sure you can relate to this in some way with some aspect of your life, whether you're embarking on a new journey or maybe you're completely reinventing your life and you have that doubt where you don't know what you're doing but you're completely reinventing your life. And you have that doubt where you don't know what you're doing but you're going all in anyway and it could feel really scary. Just know that. We're all experiencing that. I can't imagine anyone just reinventing their lives and being like, yeah, this is so easy, I love this. This is just so stress-free and I know exactly what I'm doing. Nobody does that. We are all going through this journey of not knowing what the hell we're doing.

Speaker 1: 10:54

And that actually goes into my mentor, martha Beck, with her change cycle, and it's kind of funny that I'm talking about this right now. Like I've said in other podcasts, I don't script out my podcast. I just talk and see what comes to me. But I actually wrote out the change cycle information because I wanted to talk about this on a podcast, because I think it's so important when it comes to reinventing yourself or becoming a new version of you. And Martha Beck has what she calls the change cycle.

Speaker 1: 11:27

And she refers back to when caterpillars become butterflies. Right, we think that they're just sitting in these cocoons and they're inside the cocoons. They're growing their long legs, their wings and whatever. They're transforming into a beautiful butterfly. But in reality, the first thing that caterpillars do in the cocoons is shed their skin and that leaves them with this soft, rubbery chrysalis. And when you look inside the cocoon early on, all that's in there is just a puddle, a puddle of cells, and Martha Beck likes to call it bug soup. Right, and that bug soup eventually transforms into a beautiful butterfly.

Speaker 1: 12:14

But first that caterpillar has to die, and when you're going through a major transition in life, that's what happens to humans also. A part of us dies so we can grow into a different version of us. We have to be willing to set aside the familiar or the comfortable in order to grow as a new version of ourselves, and basically all of us will experience this metamorphosis multiple times throughout our lives. We were exchanging one identity for another, like we were babies and now we're adults. We had to go from baby to child, to teen to adult. We went through all these versions of ourselves Even as an adult, though our identity isn't just fixed here. You might get married, have kids, switch careers, get sick whatever we're constantly changing sick, whatever we're constantly changing and any of these transformations that are going to alter your definition of who you are and your life is not just about making small adjustments. It's about making a full change, and that's going to be extremely stressful. But just know that going after something that you want in your life, taking that risk, is going to be worth it.

Speaker 1: 13:40

But when you are going through this change in your life, there are four phases of the change cycle. So phase one of the change cycle is death and rebirth, which is the dissolving phase, and that's when you decide that you want to make a change. And in order to make a change, your old identity needs to dissolve and that's going to lead you into bug soup that Martha Beck calls it Basically a just mush version of yourself that doesn't know what it's going to turn into yet and it's going to feel like everything's falling apart and that you're uncertain of what's going to happen and you're losing everything and everybody, because dissolving like that is going to feel like death, because you are literally just killing off that part of you that you no longer want to be and accepting the fact that they're gone and you're turning into a new part of you that you no longer want to be and accepting the fact that they're gone and you're turning into a new version of you. And it's hard. There's going to be a lot of emotions involved or you might try to get back to that old version of you, and that makes it even more difficult. So, in order to be successful in this phase is focusing on living just one day at a time, rather than dwelling on what you hope for or all the fears you have about the uncertainty of your future. Just focus your attention on whatever is happening right now, be in the moment. And then you can also care for yourself in physical, immediate ways, by just wrapping yourself up in a blanket, giving yourself your comfort food or your comfort show, or going and do a yoga class or something, taking a walk, doing whatever it feels to comfort yourself, basically cocooning yourself to make yourself feel more safe and in control of your situation.

Speaker 1: 15:37

And then also, you can talk to other people that have gone through this transformation. So maybe you have a friend who recently quit her job. If you're planning on leaving your job, feel free to talk to me about it. I can talk to you. But look towards people that have gone through something that has been similar to what you're going through, or have made a big change. Or even reach out to a coach. I'm here for you. You can join the One Girl Travel Club or do one-on-one coaching whatever you need, I'll help you through it. Or you can speak to a therapist, whatever it is, just having that sounding board to talk about what's going on and how you're feeling. That will make a huge impact.

Speaker 1: 16:22

Then, finally, it's letting yourself grieve, even though you might be leaving something that felt unpleasant, like a bad marriage or a job that you hated. It's still going to be really hard and it's going to feel like a loss and you're going to you hated. It's still going to be really hard and it's going to feel like a loss and you're going to grieve and your emotions are going to be all over the place. I cried many times when I was getting ready to give my notice and it was my choice to do it, but I was still sad and scared and a lot of other feelings and you might question yourself or you might get angry or whatever. But just accept how you're feeling and just acknowledge that you are making a big change and it's okay and to just let yourself grieve and feel all of it.

Speaker 1: 17:06

And my favorite thing about phase one is the mantra. So Martha Beck's mantra for phase one is I don't know what the hell is going on, and that's okay. I'm sure so many of you can relate to that mantra. I don't know what the hell is going on, but that's okay. It's okay to not know and just be in it, feel the feelings and keep moving forward. And that will bring you to phase two, which is dreaming and scheming, where you'll be imagining in phase two and that's where you start to catch glimpses of who you're becoming and what you're becoming. So you're no longer that melty bug soup that Martha Beck likes to call it. You are starting to come together.

Speaker 1: 18:28

Now you are going to have instructions of who you're transforming into and actually how to step into that identity, and you'll know that you're in phase two when you start seeing images of the life that you want to create. Now, don't force these images. They're just going to happen to you and you don't know what to expect. When you're force these images, they're just going to happen to you and you don't know what to expect when you're becoming a new person and you're going to develop new traits and interests that maybe your old self didn't even have and you're going to be compelled to change maybe your hairstyle or how you dress or maybe your living space. You're going to want that change because the old way of doing things aren't going to feel right anymore, because you're past that. Now You're going into that new version of you and you're going to want your outer situation to reflect that inner change.

Speaker 1: 19:23

So some of the ways that you can help yourself through phase two is by really focusing on imagining your future. So you can do that by creating a vision board whether on Canva or cut out magazines and really be intentional with the life that you want to create and what you want to experience in your life. And once you have that canvas or that digital image put together, reflect on it, focus on it for like 10 minutes a day and really be intentional with how you feel towards those images, and it's going to be powerful. Visions are very powerful. I love vision boards or any visuals to help aid me with my goals. So a vision board is very easy to do and it will make a huge difference. So the next thing you can do is just let yourself daydream, focus on what you want for your future Really, just feel into it. I love to pull from my future self and just like embody her and walk through life as her in your daydream, and that's going to help you bring that to fruition.

Speaker 1: 20:31

Phase two is all about the visuals. You want to make up your visuals, you want to make sure that they're clear to you and you want to make them possible. So go through this phase and just dream and plan. Imagine the possibilities, imagine your perfect scenario for your future, write them down. Draw them if you want. I love drawing out my goals. I feel like they always come true when I draw them. But have fun with it also. And phase two's mantra is there are no rules and that's okay. I feel like these mantras just allow me to breathe a little deeper. Okay, there are no rules and that's okay. I feel like these mantras just allow me to breathe a little deeper, like, okay, there are no rules and that's okay. You get to have fun here, you get to be creative, I get to dream really big and that's fun.

Speaker 1: 21:17

The next phase is the hero's saga. So this is when you are reforming. Square three is the implementation stage of the change cycle process. And when you're in square three, this is where you will feel like you're ready to take physical, courageous steps towards building this new life of yours and you're going to stop fantasizing about doing it and actually do it. This is where action happens You're going to set dates, you're going to make plans happens. You're going to set dates, you're going to make plans and you're going to follow through and you'll feel motivated to do them, to actually start building this new life that you want. And then guess what happens? You're probably going to fail. It probably won't work out the way that you hoped for, and that just means you keep going, you keep doing, you keep planning, you keep strategizing and you keep trying over and over again. When you're just reforming your life, just like anything else, it's going to have problems that you did not expect and it's how you handle those problems that helps you grow and learn, because you're going to pivot and you're going to try new things and you're going to figure it out. So when you're in square three, just expect that things are going to go wrong and be okay with it.

Speaker 1: 22:40

When things go wrong early on, when you're trying something new, don't look at it as it wasn't meant wrong. Early on. When you're trying something new, don't look at it as it wasn't meant to be or that you're a failure. Think about it as an experiment, knowing that you have to try multiple times to get where you want to go and you're going to learn as you do it and to become that all that you want to be. You have to keep working towards your dreams. You can't give up because of something going wrong. You have to keep trying. You have to keep moving forward. If it's that important to you. You will risk it, you will keep going and you have to be willing to start over again Every time.

Speaker 1: 23:19

Every time your plans fail, you're going to maybe want to go back to phase one for a minute, feeling like you're lost, you're confused, to maybe want to go back to phase one for a minute, feeling like you're lost, you're confused, you don't know what to do. But this is opportunity to release some of the illusions that creates the problems in your plan. So maybe you have a lot of expectations on how things should turn out. Get rid of those expectations, focus on what you can control and keep moving forward, but just keep going over and over again. Do not stop. And then, once you have your moment back in phase one, go back to phase two, adjust your dreams Maybe, look into what went wrong or maybe you weren't being honest with yourself Take what you've learned and put them into your new experiences. Figure it out as you go, but keep persisting Again. It's all an experiment. So when you persist through it, you're going to just figure out what didn't work and how can you change it, and you're going to make those little pivots and you're going to just keep going over and over again, and even though this phase isn't always going to be pretty or ideal, it's going to give you the most beautiful results.

Speaker 1: 24:30

And the mantra for phase three I love this one. This is much worse than I expected, and that's okay. And finally we have phase four. This is the promised land and we are in full flight. In phase four, we are a beautiful butterfly, ready to fly, because phase three is like crawling out of the cocoon. Right, we're still like wet and soggy, our wings aren't ready to dry yet or they're not expanded yet, and now we're in phase four and this is when we and our new identities are fully formed and we are able to take flight.

Speaker 1: 25:09

And when you're in this phase, you do need to follow some strategies, and the first strategy is to enjoy. You have just been through a huge transformation and you deserve to celebrate your new identity and all that you have overcome during that process. I recommend spending some time showing yourself gratitude for all of your success, all of your growth, everything you've went through. Celebrate, celebrating is so important and that's why, in the One Girl Travel Club, we celebrate our successes with each other. We support each other, because you deserve to celebrate everything that you have done in your lifetime and this going through the whole reinvention of yourself. That took a lot of effort and it is something worthy of celebrating.

Speaker 1: 25:58

And even when you're in phase four and you feel like you're ready to fly, there are still small improvements that you will need to make. And, in order to make your life this new life that you dreamed of less stressful, find ways that you can improve it. Always be a work in progress. Don't get content with where you are. That doesn't mean you have to keep reinventing yourself all the time, but just pay attention to the small changes that you can make to make your life even better. And finally, know that there's another change just around the corner.

Speaker 1: 26:33

You don't know how long you're going to stay in phase four. You might be there for decades or you might be there for a few weeks, you don't know. But the most important thing when you're in phase four is to not associate your happiness with this new identity. Know that you are always going to be changing and evolving and your happiness should not be dependent on when you're only ready to fly. Enjoy the process of reinventing yourself and taking chances on yourself and learning as you go.

Speaker 1: 27:05

Do not focus all of your happiness just when things are good and things are easy and things are complete, because that's not how life works. Life is always going to be changing and you're always going to be changing with it. But finally, phase four is. Mantra is everything is changing and that's okay and, just like all of us, we are constantly changing. Our lives are changing.

Speaker 1: 27:32

It is not always a linear journey. It's actually never a linear journey. There are going to be ups and downs and curve balls and things you don't expect, but you know why you embarked on this new journey. You know why you wanted to reinvent yourself and that's the most important thing is acknowledging why you're doing it and holding it close to you and focus on your goals. Don't give up and give yourself more credit than you're probably giving yourself. I'm guilty of this also. So I hope this podcast helps you as you reinvent yourself in some way. Know that you're not alone on this journey and know that it is not always an easy one, but we can all relate and following your dreams is worth it. So, my friends, I'm going to leave you here to reflect on the change cycle and reinventing yourself.

Speaker 1: 28:29

Also. I have a reminder for you as well. We have the Make the World your Playground Masterclass happening again this month. The date has been changed to March 25th at 6pm. I hope you can join live. There is something very special for you when you register for the class. So be sure to register. The link is in the show notes. The first version of this masterclass was so much fun and I can't wait to do this version with you. We are going to have a great time. This is so much more than solo travel. It's so much more than just having more happiness in your life. It's about coming back to yourself, revisiting the things that you once adored and made you feel like you, and allowing yourself and giving yourself permission to have more fun in your life, to fill up your cup, to take time for yourself, because you deserve it. So join me on September 25th at 6 pm, eastern, for the Make the World your Playground Masterclass, and I will see you then. Bye.

Speaker 2: 29:30

Thanks so much for tuning in to this episode of the One Girl Travel Podcast. If you're enjoying the show, please feel free to rate, subscribe and leave a review wherever you listen to your podcasts. You can find out more about your host on our website, onegirltravelcom, or follow her on Instagram, facebook, pinterest and TikTok. Thanks again for tuning in and we'll catch you in the next episode.