Episode 66: The Thief of Joy

Join me, Alessia Tenebruso, as we share the announcement of our second One Girl Travel Group trip in the latest episode of our podcast. Explore how you can turn your wanderlust into a purposeful roadmap to reach your dream destinations, with a focus on practicality rather than luxury. We will address common misconceptions about the affordability of travel, emphasizing the importance of prioritization over financial resources. Additionally, discover insights into my decision to transition from the corporate world to pursue a more fulfilling path that combines my passions for exploration and coaching.

In this episode, we delve into a candid conversation about maintaining authenticity in today's social media landscape. Explore the challenges of resisting trends and the empowering journey of embracing your unique self, including your imperfections. Learn how everyday obstacles can build resilience against judgment and how self-care extends beyond surface-level practices to include genuine self-reflection. If you are seeking a community that values genuine stories and celebrates personal growth, be sure to tune in for the inspiration and exclusive content offered by One Girl Travel.

Join the One Girl Travel Mailing List to receive the monthly newsletter and my free: 10 Tips to Begin Solo Traveling Guide as a thank you!

Join here: https://onegirltravel.com/freebie

If you enjoyed this episode of the One Girl Travel Podcast, then I invite you to follow me on Instagram. That's where all the fun is happening! @ONE_GIRL_TRAVEL

Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/one_girl_travel/

Chapters

• 0:01 Authenticity and Solo Travel Transparency
• 13:08 Embracing Authenticity and Self-Care
• 25:56 Podcast

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Welcome to the One Girl Travel Podcast, episode number 66.

Speaker 2: 0:06

Welcome to the One Girl Travel Podcast, your passport to the world of solo travel with certified life and travel coach, Alessia Tenebruso. Join Alessia as she shares her own journey of self-discovery through solo travel, while also focusing on topics such as life coaching insights and travel tips along the way. Now here's your host, Alessia Tenebruso.

Speaker 1: 0:32

Hello, my friends, and welcome to episode number 66 of the One Girl Travel Podcast. Today, as you're listening to this, it's the last day of February, which means tomorrow, march 1st, friday, the new One Girl Travel Manifesto Edition comes out. So I don't know why I'm doing this with my hands, but I am. Anyways, it comes out and I'm excited because there's some big news in this month's manifesto, such as the second ever One Girl Travel Group trip. I'm so excited. I'm so excited about this trip and this itinerary. It's something I've really wanted to do for a long time, and the fact that I was able to get this in for this year I was worried that I would have to wait until 2025 to do this trip is just like the best thing ever, and I cannot wait to share it with all of you. If you're watching this on YouTube, you can probably see the excitement on my face, because I'm just so, so, so excited, and that should just be incentive enough to make sure that you're on the mailing list. So you received your copy of the manifesto, but you know there's always going to be more in there. I'm always providing as much information as I can and making each edition just so fun and full of information for all of you. So if you are not on the One Girl Travel mailing list yet, what are you waiting for? Get on there, go to OneGirlTravelcom and sign up. And go check out the manifesto for March, because it's going to be epic, yay, okay.

Speaker 1: 2:08

Anyways, let's get into this week's podcast episode, which I actually wanted to address a comment from one of my community members on Instagram that they left on a post of mine from, you know, weeks ago. It's pretty old, but it's something I've still thought about ever since she sent it to me. Now. I love when all of you send me questions. I love when you inquire about my life and you know what I do, and this one really is important because it brought to my attention that people might assume things about other people because of social media, and it's not always the case. So I'm going to read you her comment and I want to talk about it.

Speaker 1: 2:53

So the comment was this is a genuine question how do you afford to live your life traveling the way you do? Are you super rich? Your lifestyle is hardly within reach of the average person. I'm not being rude. I'm genuinely curious, and let me just say I did not take this as being rude. I just took it as what it was. It was curiosity, and I can see how somebody might assume that somebody's wealthy because of travel. And I feel like a lot of people have it in their head that travels like this once in a lifetime experience that you can only do it once and you have to, you know, save up for years and do all this research and it's a really big thing. And I just want to remind you that travel is not a once in a lifetime experience. It doesn't have to be anyway. Yes, maybe if it's this super elaborate, extravagant trip, that's a very, very, very expensive. That's a different story. But average travel and even budget travel is very much obtainable by anybody if you save for it and you make it a priority. So how I answered this comment was that I'm not super rich and I am an average person, and at the time I was working my full-time corporate job still, so it's not like I even had unlimited vacation time either.

Speaker 1: 4:20

It's a matter of what social media is showing because, again, social media is a highlight rail of somebody's life. It's not their everyday life. If I was to post my everyday life on my Instagram all the time you guys would be bored. You want to watch me sit at a computer and work all day, especially when I was having my corporate job. You want me to film my commute sitting in a cubicle. I don't think that's very interesting. But what is interesting is travel, and I happen to take a lot of photographs and videos when I travel. So I'm constantly repurposing those videos because I'm not traveling all the time.

Speaker 1: 5:00

Despite what it may look like on social media and that goes to remind you that social media isn't what it always looks like there can be people that look super confident on social media but in reality they're shy and they're timid and they don't want to stand out. What happens is when you have a keyboard in front of you and you have that distance from people, you get to put on this persona of who you want to be, which is great. I love acting as if, I love portraying my future self as much as possible. That's something that I've used as a tool to help me grow my confidence. But it depends on the person. If you are an authentic person, if you want to show up as your truest self, if you want to be real, then you have to show up as who you are, and that means sharing the highs and the lows, and I've been trying to get more comfortable doing that, because this is not all highs. I mean, I quit my 14-year corporate career and just went all in on myself and my dreams and that was scary and I know I share that with my YouTube viewers. I shared a little behind the scenes video of the day I gave my notice at my job and, again, a little incentive for you to watch me on YouTube, because I throw in little behind the scenes moments for you.

Speaker 1: 6:33

But this is not all just happy and exciting and travel and ease and all that. This whole thing, this life that I created for myself, includes highs and lows, a lot of tears and a lot of laughs and a lot of uncertainty. I've never been a full-time entrepreneur before. I'm figuring it out as I go and I'm sharing that with all of you. But I'm also sharing the confidence that I've learned from solo travel and that's real, that's so real and it's something that I want you all to realize that you can have also when you put in that work and again, I'm not sugarcoating it for anybody there's going to be hard work involved to get to that point, if you don't feel confident right now.

Speaker 1: 7:25

This all takes hard work. If you want to solo travel, if you want to start a business, if you want to start a relationship, whatever it is, it takes hard work internally and externally, and I've shared on previous podcast episodes also about my 2023, the internal work that I had no plans of doing that I ended up having to do. It threw me for a curveball, but I knew if I wanted to grow as a person and my focus last year was relationships if I wanted to be in a healthy relationship and I wanted to feel good in relationships, then I had to figure out what was stopping me from feeling that way. And I mean, I had a very different path in mind, but I had to do a whole reboot of where I was going and what I was doing, and I honestly don't think I would have gotten to this point if I didn't do that work, and that work involved a lot of tears.

Speaker 1: 8:24

I mean, I was crying every day for months and of course, you know I show clips of it, but I'm not going to show all of it because that's not the definition of who I am and I just want you to remember that when you are scrolling on social media, when you see these people that look like they're super wealthy, that they look like their life is so easy that again, it's just their highlight reel. That's not their everyday life. They're arguing with their husbands, they're fighting with their kids. Their house isn't always, you know, instagrammable. I'm sure there's dust some places and clutter. Life isn't perfect and that's a great thing. If life was perfect, it would be so boring. Who wants just a boring, perfect life where everything goes right and everything's predictable? I mean, yeah, it sounds okay, but it's not interesting. It's not really something that has character.

Speaker 1: 9:28

And I think showing your character and showing who you really are, showing up as your true self and not giving a crap about what anybody else thinks of you, is powerful. And I was just talking to one of my friends this week about that topic, specifically about showing up on social media and doing it imperfectly and not worrying about if it's curated, if you have the perfect graphics and image and things to say, and I told her I'm like you just have to do it. You just need to put yourself out there and try and share the journey with your audience. Share that you don't know what you're doing. Share that you're nervous, share that you're scared. Share it all, because what you're doing if any of you do want to have a social media following, a profile, a presence on social media where you're helping other people what you're doing is showing up for them.

Speaker 1: 10:32

When I show up, it's not for me. I'm showing up for you so I can share with you what I know, so I can help you grow, so I can help you feel confident in doing things by yourself and not having to depend on anybody else for what you want to do in your life, to make you responsible for your happiness. That is my goal here, and I show up when I'm tired and when I'm sad and angry, whatever, because I need to share it with you, because I don't want to hold anything back from you. When I question myself and when I start to doubt what I know and what I'm capable of, all that's doing is preventing me from sharing my knowledge with you and that's doing everybody a disservice, because this isn't about me. And if you're trying to grow social media, it's not about you either. It's about your audience. It's about who you want to help and when you have sight of that, when you know who you want to help, and this doesn't even go for social media, this goes for everything in your life.

Speaker 1: 11:38

If you know the reason why you want to do something and it's to serve others, then you put those people in your foreground and you focus on them. How can I help? How can I show up and be an example Maybe your mother, caregiver, a teacher, whatever and you're setting an example for other people family leader, anything. You're showing up and being an example and you're helping others. Now, in the same breath, you also have to help yourself, and that's where you need to pay attention to what you need to pay attention to your internal compass, when you're starting to feel low or drained or tired or whatever. And that's where I truly feel solo travel comes into play. Solo travel is just like the fuel to self compassion and growth and self love and just time for yourself, because you are just blocking out everybody else and you're taking care of you. Now. Maybe you don't want to solo travel, maybe there's something else, like reading a book, going for a walk, taking a bath, whatever it is but taking that time for yourself, that's what's gonna help. You just fill up your tank so you can be present for other people, so you can show up as the best version as yourself, so you can be the best version for everybody else also. So I know this went a little all over the place.

Speaker 1: 13:08

I don't script my podcast. If you haven't noticed as I bang my microphone. I don't script my podcasts, and I do that for a reason because I'm all about being authentic, and when I'm reading from a script, you'll know it it's not natural for me. I feel uncomfortable reading from a script and it's just something that I don't feel aligned with. I'm not into the academia sort of way of learning. I like to do the more social way of learning, where I am speaking to you and interacting with you, and I just prefer it this way. So thank you for being here with me as I go in multiple directions at once with this podcast. But honestly, it really all comes together. It's about just being authentic, being yourself, showing up as who you are and not worrying about what other people think of you. That's truly. I feel like that's the key to everything in life.

Speaker 1: 14:10

There's so many instances where you wanna do something but then you question yourself about okay, what are people gonna think of me if I go on that solo trip? What are people gonna think of me if I start dating again? What are people gonna think of me if I quit my job? And the truth is, it doesn't matter what anybody thinks of you. The only thing that matters is what you think of yourself. Are you happy with yourself? Are you happy with the decisions you're making? And, if so, own it. Do what you want to do and own it. Don't worry about what anybody else thinks.

Speaker 1: 15:25

If you know that this is something that is important to you, you show up anyway. You show up scared and you show up uncomfortable. Whatever it is, you show up, and, especially in the social media world, you show up as yourself. Don't give in to what everybody else is doing. Don't follow all the trends. You don't have to buy a hundred Stanley cups unless you really, really love the Stanley cups, whatever. But like you don't have to do all of that. The only person you need to impress in this life is yourself.

Speaker 1: 15:55

And yes, it feels like a lot of pressure on social media. I'm not gonna lie. When you have to worry about followers and views and likes and comments and subscriptions and all that, it can take a toll on you. It it takes a toll on me when I'm working Hard to create this real that I think everybody's gonna love and I'm like so excited about it, and then I get like five likes. I'm like, oh, that sucks, but I've learned to do it anyway, to keep going to put out stuff that I don't think is that great, but I know it has a good message. Maybe it's not visually appealing, but it's still going to help somebody. I have to get over myself and you have to get over yourself. Just do it and stop worrying about what other people are gonna think of you and remind yourself that the only Opinion of you that matters is yours, and be okay with that. So I do want to offer you some like tangible tips to help you feel more comfortable Doing the things you want to do without worrying about what other people think of you, and my first tip would be to make a list.

Speaker 1: 17:05

I love lists I mean, I start every day with a list but write a list of qualities that you love about yourself. You have to hype yourself up and be your own biggest cheerleader in this life. Don't expect anybody to love you more than you're gonna love yourself. So write that list and really pay attention to the attributes about yourself that you really appreciate and Then, if you do want to do something and you're questioning yourself, write down why you want to do it. Be clear about your reason for why you want to do. Whatever it is you want to do, whether it's solo travel, start a social media relationship, whatever. Write it down, get clear and keep that with you. Keep that in your pocket so you always know the reason why you're doing it, and make sure that reason is strong enough for you to push through. Whenever you feel discomfort and Whenever you're questioning yourself, make sure that that reason will drive you forward always and I know I've repeated that many, many times before.

Speaker 1: 18:08

The third thing I want you to do is to practice doing things that are uncomfortable, because the more you do things that feel uncomfortable, the easier it's going to get. Now, this doesn't always have to be an alignment with the thing that you really want to do like your main goal, but just little things in your everyday life that feels uncomfortable. I mean, today I'm wearing hot pink leggings and that might not seem like a big deal to many of you, but for me I own like 15 pairs of black leggings and I'm like, oh man, I'm gonna wear these pink leggings today and I mean Nobody's really gonna see him, but I see them, I'm wearing them and I you know it wasn't comfortable at first, like it's highlighting some areas on my body that you know I love, but I might want to change a bit, so I'm wearing them anyway. So, today, wearing hot pink pants, uncomfortable check. What can you do? Today that feels uncomfortable. And then tomorrow, what can you do? The next day? What can you do?

Speaker 1: 19:17

Do these little things, because that's what just makes you more like immune to not giving a shit about what other people think of you and to show up as your authentic self, whether it's in your everyday life or on social media. But Again, like, you just have to be yourself, you just have to be authentic. If you're showing up as being unauthentic as you're, you know you're showing up being somebody else or pretending to be somebody else. You're gonna get figured out. It's not something that you can do forever. And if you do pretend to be somebody else forever, that's exhausting.

Speaker 1: 19:58

What kind of life is that to just pretend to be something that you're not? Now, I'm not saying you know, maybe you want to be like this super elegant, wealthy woman, right, and you don't feel that way right now. So you act as if that's different. If you're taking steps to become her, but if you want to be this elegant, wealthy woman and you're just continuing to live your life the way you're living it and I'm not doing anything towards that goal, then you're pretending, then it's different. You have to take action on those goals. You can wish and hope and pray all you want, but you have to take action. That's the only way you're going to get there. And the only way to take action and feel good about that is to be uncomfortable, to do what feels uncomfortable. So it doesn't have to be a big thing, just little things. Maybe it's staring somebody in the face, like I know.

Speaker 1: 21:01

Back in the day I would never look anybody in the eye if I was passing them, especially if it was a man. Oh my gosh, I would look away so fast. And now I make eye contact. And not only do I make eye contact, I say hello and smile to everybody I pass and like all right, I don't feel uncomfortable anymore. If they feel uncomfortable, that's their problem, not mine. Like I want to say hi, I want to show up as myself. If you've met me in person, if you're my friend or an acquaintance, you know I talk to everybody. Now I love interacting with people, so I'm going to do that with strangers, because you never know who you might meet or you might not know if maybe you make somebody's day by being friendly and kind to someone and it might feel uncomfortable at first, but you do it anyway and you keep going. Little things equal big things. Over time they build up and they grow and that's how you become who you want to be. That's how you embody your future self. So let me just put a little bow. Wrap this one up.

Speaker 1: 22:14

When you're on social media, remember that it's not real life. Social media is a highlight reel. It's the best moments for most people. Don't compare yourself to what you see on social media. Be inspired that's great but do not be unkind to yourself. Do not pick yourself apart because you see other people on there being more successful or more healthy or whatever. The next thing is to be embraced discomfort. That's always going to be my message. Embrace discomfort, do it anyway, do it scared, be authentic, be yourself, be unapologetically yourself and remember that taking care of yourself is not selfish, that taking care of yourself, taking time for yourself, going on solo trips. That's self-care and that's how you fill up your cup and you show up as a better version of yourself for everybody in your life and my friends.

Speaker 1: 23:16

Speaking of showing up for yourself and taking time for yourself, I want to remind you that the One Girl Travel Club is here for you. If solo travel is something that you desire, if you want to get more comfortable doing things by yourself, whether it's going to a concert, whether it's meeting new people traveling whatever it is the One Girl Travel Club is here for you. It's where I can coach you. It's where I'm giving you lessons. Every month. You have a full library full of lessons that are going to help you feel confident about doing things by yourself, about traveling, about your mindset. There's everything in there for you and I would be honored to have you to join me and my incredible community.

Speaker 1: 24:01

And not only that if you want really deep coaching where you are just ready to make big changes in your life, I offer one-on-one coaching and I would love to coach you on whatever it is your goal is, whether it's growing your social media, whether it's solo traveling, whether it's starting a business. Whatever it is, let's get into it, let's do it. I want to see you succeed and this is my passion. So come to me, send me an email, ask me your questions. I'm here to answer them. We can set up a free discovery call, see if it's right fit, and I look forward to working with you. And, of course, I will see you in your inbox on Friday with the OneGirl Travel March edition of the manifesto, with my breaking news of the second One Girl Travel group trip experience. I cannot wait for you to see it and I will talk to you soon, my friends, bye.

Speaker 1: 25:05

One last thing before we go If you are a solo traveler, if you have experienced the power of solo travel and solo travel has impacted your life in a positive way, I want to hear from you because I'm starting to have guests on the One Girl Travel podcast and I'm so excited about it. I want you, if you have a story to tell, if you have knowledge to share, to reach out to me and let's set something up, because I would love to have you on my podcast to share your story with my community. So send me an email at contact at onegirltravelcom, or you can send me a DM on social media, whichever, and let me know what you would want to talk about if you were a guest on the podcast, and I look forward to hearing from you. Have a great day.

Speaker 2: 25:56

Thanks so much for tuning in to this episode of the One Girl Travel podcast. If you're enjoying the show, please feel free to rate, subscribe and leave a review wherever you listen to your podcasts. You can find out more about your host on our website, onegirltravelcom, or follow her on Instagram, facebook, pinterest and TikTok. Thanks again for tuning in and we'll catch you in the next episode.