Episode 62: Solo Travel and the Path to Self-Love

Have you ever embarked on a journey that wasn't just about the destinations but about discovering the depths of your own self-love? That's the essence of our latest episode, where I, Alessia Tenebruso, take you through an intimate recounting of my solo travels and the profound impact they've had on my self-appreciation. Fresh off the vibrant stage of the Design Live Thrive Women's Summit, I'm bringing you the insights and emotional revelations that have reshaped my narrative, encouraging you to weave self-love into the fabric of your own life story.

This isn't just about the exhilarating thrill of yacht races or the silent majesty of Alaskan glaciers; it's about the transformative effect those experiences can have on our inner worlds. I share tales of how pushing through discomfort led to a celebration of self-reliance, turning vulnerability into victory. It's a heartfelt invitation to listeners to examine their relationship with themselves, with an emphasis on the beautiful bravery that comes from acknowledging and embracing one's own needs and accomplishments.

In the spirit of growth and connection, I offer not just stories but tools—resources, and workbooks to guide you on your journey towards self-love through solo travel. Let's step outside our comfort zones together, starting with a solitary coffee or a dream trip on the horizon. And as we continue to build this community, your voice matters. Share your thoughts, contribute to the conversation, and be part of shaping the future episodes of One Girl Travel Podcast, where every journey is an opportunity to fall in love with who we are.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Self-Love Through Solo Travel
• 8:09 Transformation and Self-Love Through Solo Travel
• 23:11 Developing Self-Love Through Solo Travel
• 27:59 Podcast Feedback and Promotion

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to the One Girl Travel Podcast, episode number 62.

Speaker 2: 0:05

Welcome to the One Girl Travel Podcast, your passport to the world of solo travel with certified life and travel coach, Alessia Tenebruso. Join Alessia as she shares her own journey of self-discovery through solo travel, while also focusing on topics such as life coaching insights and travel tips along the way. Now here's your host, Alessia Tenebruso.

Speaker 1: 0:31

Hello, my friends, and welcome to episode number 62 of the One Girl Travel Podcast. Happy February. So I held off on publishing this podcast because I wanted this to be a fresh podcast for the new month and especially for February. I love February, I love the idea of a month focused on love, and for me anyway, that's how I interpret February it's the month of love. It's the month of showing yourself love and love to others and, keeping that in mind, I want to share something pretty special.

Speaker 1: 1:10

I was asked to be a guest coach for a women's summit and my presentation that I spoke about was self-love through solo travel, and this is a topic I'm extremely passionate about. I truly have found self-love through the act of solo traveling and I was so excited to share this message with so many women that weren't familiar with me and what I do, and I wanted to share my talk with all of you in today's podcast. So this is a little different. This is going to be the recording from the women's summit that I'm sharing with all of you, because I want to spread the word about the power of solo travel and how it can help you grow your love for yourself and create this amazing relationship with yourself through the act of solo travel. So before we get going, I want to share a few things with you because, as you're listening to this, it's most likely February 1st. That's when this episode's going to be published, and that means there is a brand new edition of the One Girl Travel Manifesto. Yes, that's right, I have changed the name. It is no longer a newsletter, it is a manifesto, because it's so much more than a newsletter. Newsletters tend to be a little boring and I'm telling you, the One Girl Travel Manifesto is just so full of information and content and workbooks and tips and fun things and I mean it's beautiful. Also, I'm gonna say it, I love it. You can tell how much I love this. I've been doing it for quite some time now and I put so much love into creating this for you, so I believe it deserves a new name, and so we're going with the One Girl Travel Manifesto and the new edition is out now.

Speaker 1: 3:12

So if you have not received it, that means you're not on my mailing list yet. So what are you waiting for? Go to onegirltravelcom and sign up. And when you do sign up for my mailing list, not only are you getting the most recent edition of the One Girl Travel Manifesto. You're also getting my free guide 10 tips on how to begin solo traveling. So go to onegirltravelcom and sign up, because I havea lot to share with you. And also, I want to remind you that February we're in a new month.

Speaker 1: 3:45

That means the One Girl Travel Club has a new topic, which is the power of travel photography. That means I'm teaching my members everything they need to know about taking the most incredible travel photographs of where they're traveling and photos of themselves, and also some tips and tricks on how to publish those photos on social media and how to edit them. So it is everything they need to know about travel photography. Plus, if you didn't already know, when you sign up as an annual member for the One Girl Travel Club, you're getting my signature course that's only available for annual members, which is the Solo Selfie Masterclass. In that masterclass, I teach you every single thing you need to know about taking the most incredible selfies. Now, these are not just your standard stretch your arm out selfies. These are selfies that look like a professional photographer took them of you, and I teach you everything that you need to know about that, and I love that course so much, but you can only get it if you're an annual member in the One Girl Travel Club. So come join us if that's something that you're interested in and if you're ready to make the world your playground and live the life that you desire without waiting on anybody else.

Speaker 1: 5:01

The One Girl Travel Club has a new lesson every single month. We have live coaching calls, we have workbooks, we have a private Facebook community, plus so much more. I would love to have you as a part of my community, so go to onegirltravelcom and sign up or click the link in show notes. One last thing I want to note is, when you receive the One Girl Travel Manifesto for February, there is a link in there where I'm asking you to give me your input of where you want the next One Girl Travel group trip to be. The Italy trip is completely sold out. We are going in April and I am ready to travel the world with all of you, so please fill out that survey. Let me know where you want to go. Currently we have Italy, greece, france, ireland and Scotland on the lead, but I don't know where to book my next trip for the group unless you give me your input. So please fill out that survey. Let me know. I want to know where you want to go and let's start traveling the world together. All right, so I'm going to play this recording now.

Speaker 1: 6:06

This is my talk as a guest coach for the Design Live Thrive Women's Summit, so I hope you enjoy and I will talk to you next week. Hello, thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here. So today we're going to talk about self-love through solo travel, and first I just want to introduce myself to you. My name is Alessia, I'm from Long Island, new York, and I'm the owner of One Girl Travel, which is a solo travel focused life coaching business. I'm a certified Martha Beck Life Coach and a certified travel coach. I coach clients one-on-one, I have monthly membership and host group trips for women, and today I'm here to share the impact that solo travel has had on my life and how I developed a deep sense of self-love through the act of traveling by myself.

Speaker 1: 6:54

So a little history about me is that I began solo traveling in 2012. I'd recently gotten out of my first long-term adult relationship, which happened to be mentally abusive. When the relationship ended, I didn't know what to do with myself. I felt broken and lost and I didn't know who I was anymore. I needed to do something that was completely outside my comfort zone in order to rediscover myself, and that's when I decided to go on my first ever solo trip. So back then, the thing that made me the most comfortable was doing things by myself. So it was very shy and timid and I lacked self-confidence. I never wanted to stand out. And then I decided to go on my first solo trip to Florida, which was a place I felt familiar with, and everything shifted for me From the moment I got on that plane for the trip, I sat down next to a stranger and he turned out to be a solo traveler and I had never spoke to anybody on a plane before but him and I chatted the entire flight and he shared photos of all his trips and his stories, and I just felt so guided by the universe that I was on the right track and it was so powerful.

Speaker 1: 8:09

Since that first trip to Florida in 2012, I have continued to travel solo. I've been on dozens of cruises. I've raced a yacht in the Caribbean, I went to Europe for the first time, I celebrated the new year in Scotland and I had my first professional photo shoot in Paris. I've hiked glaciers in Alaska and much more, and I did it all by myself. I included these photos to give you a visual, to give you a visual of my transformation throughout the years, of my confidence and my self-love journey. This first photo on the fishing boat was my excursion in Florida. I became friends with these two British guys and I asked one of them take a photo of me and you can see in my body. I have a smile on my face but I'm clenched up. I'm really uncomfortable but I'm doing it. The second photo was on my first ever cruise. Again, I'm solo, by myself. I have a smile on my face, but I'm still not feeling that comfortable. These next photos I started to feel more comfortable and allowed myself to be seen and try new things. So here I am steering a yacht racing boat.

Speaker 1: 9:15

My first trip to Europe was by myself, and then the most special trip for me was checking off my bucket list item of visiting Scotland. With each trip I took, I learned more about myself. I began to realize how strong I was and what I was capable of. I discovered that I enjoyed standing out and allowing myself to be seen, and eventually it brought me to where I am in my life now, a confident woman who's taking a chance on myself and my dreams, a woman that enjoys having fun and meeting new people, a woman who doesn't care about what other people think of me and lives my life unapologetically. And a woman who celebrates life and loves herself unconditionally. I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do. That's my Brené Brown, and I feel like that's such a powerful statement.

Speaker 1: 10:10

Next, I want to give you a self-love check-in. I want to see how you're gauging your self-love currently, with one being the lowest or, I'm sorry, zero being the lowest and 10 being the highest. How do you feel that your self-love is the highest, that your self-love relates to the scale, and just throw it in the chat. I can see your numbers on there. For me, when I started, I was probably at like a two, oh, a 10, I love that. Where nine, I'm loving this. Seven, eight, seven. That's amazing and hopefully, if you do have a lower number, that by the end of this chat you will feel more confident with stepping outside your comfort zone and developing that self-love for yourself.

Speaker 1: 10:58

How solo travel changed the way I loved myself. Before I began my solo travel journey, my mind was flooded with thoughts that did not serve me. Thoughts like I'm not worthy, I'm not pretty enough, I'm too big, I'm too scared to do the things by myself. I'll love myself when I'm thinner. Only rich people can have a life of travel. I'm not deserving of love. What will other people think of me? I don't want to stand out because I don't want to be judged and type a one in the chat, if you can relate to any of these thoughts. As you can see, these thoughts are not kind words and they held me back from doing the things that I wanted to do. I thought I was keeping myself safe by having these thoughts, and all it did was just keep me stuck, but thankfully, thanks to solo travel, they've changed Self-love and solo travel.

Speaker 1: 11:50

When you're solo traveling, you are entirely reliant on yourself. You're responsible for things like your safety, your schedule, your itinerary, navigation, enjoyment, wellness and every other aspect of that experience. When you're solo traveling, you're going to be alone with your thoughts, and that's when it's up to you to choose the thoughts that are going to serve you. Solo travel makes you address the things that you might have been avoiding, and it forces you to get comfortable being uncomfortable. And when you begin to step inside that discomfort, that's when the growth happens for you.

Speaker 1: 12:24

Solo travel has taught me so many lessons over the years, such as how to advocate for myself, learn my likes and dislikes, practice being my future self, learn to be my biggest cheerleader, speak kindly to myself, know that I'm capable of doing hard things and understanding that I am worthy. But the greatest lesson of all of these was how to truly love myself as I am right now not 20 pounds less from now, not $1 million more than now. Right now, exactly how I am and that, my friends, is one of the most powerful and freeing experience I've ever had. And now, because of all these lessons that I've learned from solo traveling, how I think about myself has significantly changed. Now my thoughts are I am worthy, I am beautiful, my body is strong, I love doing things by myself, I love my curves, I'm deserving of love, I am abundant, I'm sexy. I don't care what people think of me. My life is amazing. I love myself. And, as you can see, now, my thoughts serve me. They're constantly reminding me of how wonderful I am, and having these thoughts available to me is what helps, keeps pushing me forward and pushing my boundaries, and continue to grow.

Speaker 1: 13:50

So what does it mean to have self-love? In the chat box type? In what covenants to mine when you imagine a woman who has self-love? So for me, I thought people women specifically who had self-love had confidence, charm. They're put together, they're social. Yeah, confidence is a big one.

Speaker 1: 14:47

Self-love is a state of appreciation for yourself, and it grows from actions that support every aspect of your growth. Self-love is taking action on your dreams. Self-love is knowing that when you put your needs first, you get to serve others. And I love the idea of the oxygen mask on the plane. You have to put your own mask on first and then help others. And self-love is listening to your body and soul and giving it what it needs.

Speaker 1: 15:13

When you have self-love, you have the freedom to do anything you desire, because you don't need reassurance from anybody besides yourself. And self-love does not happen overnight. It's a journey. So why do we struggle with self-love? Self-love is a never-ending journey. There's no finish line where you can just declare self-love and then never have to put any more effort into it. You are worth the effort. Self-love is ever-evolving and it's constantly going to change with each phase of your life. Creating and accepting self-love means accepting every aspect of yourself, including the good and the bad, and it means accepting parts of yourself that you might not be happy with right now, such as your wealth, your health, relationships, home or job.

Speaker 1: 16:02

How do you develop this self-love? Through solo travel. So when you're solo traveling and you're alone with your own thoughts, those thoughts will make or break your experience, and I learned that early on in my solo travel journey. Our minds are going to automatically go through the worst-case scenarios or negative thoughts, and they're not going to help you. They might ruin your experience. To avoid this, you must learn to take control of your thoughts and point them in the direction that's going to benefit you. Earlier, I shared how my thoughts have shifted from negative thoughts and that helped me I'm sorry my negative thoughts that held me back, and then how they shifted to better thoughts that served me and helped drive me forward. So to create those new thoughts for yourself, you need to ask yourself is this thought true? And be real with yourself.

Speaker 1: 16:51

Dig deep, because most likely you're going to realize that you're just being hard on yourself. For example, if you have the thoughts I'm so stupid. I don't know what I'm doing. Honestly, I had that thought many times in the beginning. Or I'm so lame, nobody wants to be my friend, or everybody's staring at me eating alone. I'm so embarrassed, had that thought so many times. Those thoughts are not serving you and you need to shift them into a more positive thought that you can actually believe this new thought. That doesn't have to be far-fetched, it just needs to be true and be more supportive of you. So instead, try. I am not stupid. This is my first time traveling and I'm learning. You're getting yourself that grace with this new thought. Or, of course, people want to be my friend. Why wouldn't they? I just need to make an effort to meet people and if they don't want to be my friend, that's their loss. And think about how powerful that statement is. It's their loss. If they don't want to interact with you, but you're offering yourself to them to see. If maybe they want to be friends with you, it's no big deal. Or if people stare at me while I'm dining by myself, that's not my business. I am proud of myself for being confident enough to enjoy a fabulous meal at a restaurant alone, shifting your thoughts to the ones that better serve. You are going to allow you to relax and feel more confident and eventually you'll start to believe those thoughts.

Speaker 1: 18:17

Being comfortable, being uncomfortable Another way that you can learn self-love through solo travel is to embrace discomfort. For me, it was eating alone. When I first started eating alone at restaurants, I was not comfortable at all. Honestly, eating alone felt like the scariest aspect of solo travel. I dreaded it, but I knew, if I wanted to fully immerse myself in the culture and the destination, I needed to overcome this fear, because I didn't want to sit in my room eating room service every day. So, even though I was scared, I would still book that reservation. I would get dressed up and I would get dressed up. I'd put gowns on I'll talk more about that soon and I'd sit at the table. And not only would I sit at the table, I would challenge myself to not touch my phone and I would not be distracted. I wanted to make sure that I sat in the discomfort and paid attention to how I felt, and I like to think of this as an experiment and think about why do I feel uncomfortable in this moment? What thoughts am I having? What's a worst case scenario? How can I make this more enjoyable for me. Eventually, the discomfort decreased and I became more comfortable dining alone, and now I'll confidently take myself into any restaurant at any time and go for a meal, and it is so liberating. And the same goes for all aspects of solo travel. You may feel uncomfortable approaching a new person, or you might not feel comfortable wandering the streets by yourself, but if you let that fear prevent you from doing these things, you will never have the full experience, nor will you grow. You must embrace the discomfort, especially if this is something that you want bad enough for yourself.

Speaker 1: 19:57

Next is meet your future self, and I know I mentioned I would get dressed up in gowns. This is why I embodied my future self and how I felt confident doing so. So a big way for me personally to gain self love through solo travel was embodying my future self. I'd embody my future self and it was my favorite way of feeling confident while solo traveling. When traveling alone to a new destination, you're going to quickly realize that you don't know anybody and nobody knows you, and you do not have to worry about being judged because they are strangers. So I would practice embodying my future self when I was solo traveling, because my future self at the time was extremely confident. She was bold and she was glamorous. So whenever I would feel unsure of myself, I would pull strength from my future self and act like her. So some ways you can begin embracing your future self are dressing and what makes you feel powerful and just strutting down the street and feeling confident.

Speaker 1: 20:55

If you want to interact with others, go up to some people and just start a conversation. Like I said, it's their loss if they don't want to talk to you. And in a restaurant that you want to go and check out, go and book a reservation. Speak up for yourself with where you want to be set, because some restaurants like to sit solo travelers in the back, by the bathroom and the worst table possible. Advocate for yourself, practice speaking up for yourself and just go and enjoy a night out alone.

Speaker 1: 21:26

And, similar to the phrase fake it until you make it, I had to embrace my future self to become my future self and by embodying your future self while on a solo trip, you will feel more comfortable being her and eventually you're going to implement those traits into your daily life after the trip's over and before you know it, you're going to realize that you are your future self now, and then you get to create a new future self and keep going. So before you can actually begin pulling strength from your future self, you need to learn who she is. So I know lunch is coming up right after my talk, so take some time for yourself and just sit in a quiet room, just relax and get a notebook and envision yourself five to 10 years from now and allow yourself to be as creative as you'd like and act as if there are absolutely no limits on any aspect of your life. Let it be a fantasy. Then. Imagine yourself in your future and pay attention to all of her traits, such as what does she look like, what's her energy like, what is she wearing, what's her occupation, if she has one, where does she live, what does she enjoy, how does she feel about herself, how does she spend her days and how does she show up in the world. Write down everything that you can that describes your future self and pay attention to the attributes that you can begin to embody in your life now. And as you challenge yourself with solo traveling or anything that extends you outside of your comfort zone, pretend that you're her now, and eventually you'll realize that you have become her, become your number one fan.

Speaker 1: 23:12

Another way to develop self-love through solo travel is becoming your own biggest fan. It is essential for you to realize how far you've come, how brave you are for going on a trip by yourself. Celebrate all the things that you've accomplished and recognize all the growth that you've achieved when you finally navigate that new city, celebrate it. Tell yourself how proud and impressive you are. Don't forget to show yourself grace while you're doing the things that don't feel comfortable to you, remind yourself that you're doing something new and how brave you are for doing it. You also need to have your own back. You are responsible for your own happiness and you should be the person that cares the most about yourself and your desires. When you're solo traveling, you learn to advocate for yourself and your needs, and that's going to translate into every aspect of your life.

Speaker 1: 24:03

Now I want to introduce you to the solo travel lifestyle. I equipped you with some of the tools that I've developed through self-love through solo travel. The solo travel lifestyle is how I like to describe a lip. I'm sorry, talking too fast because I get very excited about this topic. The solo travel lifestyle is how I like to describe living a freedom-based life, about what you've learned about yourself when solo traveling.

Speaker 1: 24:34

Perhaps solo travel isn't something for you, maybe you have no desire to travel, maybe you don't have unlimited vacation time or the resources to travel, and that's totally fine. The good news is, everything I discussed today can be implemented into your everyday life and you do not need to leave the country to do so. Although you don't need to physically go on a trip alone, you truly can just do all of this in your hometown on a weekend, this weekend, if you want to challenge yourself. But I do recommend a solo trip if you do desire, because they are life-changing and they're really, really fun. But I want you to spend more time alone, whether it's going out to a meal, a movie, a concert, go for a walk, spend a night in a local hotel that's something that I love doing. Just book a night for myself in a hotel. This alone time allows you to practice aspects of solo travel and step outside your comfort zone locally.

Speaker 1: 25:33

So I just want to get a gauge for all of you Type a Y in the chat if you are already comfortable doing things by yourself, and put an N in there if you are not comfortable at all doing things by yourself. Y love seeing the Ys. Yes, okay, they have some Ns Ys. I love it. So this is for all of you, because it is just a sequence of events. So, if you are not comfortable doing things alone, begin by going out for a coffee and just sitting in a cafe with no distractions. Put the phone away, don't bring a book, sit there and pay attention to your thoughts. Just be present in the moment.

Speaker 1: 26:11

Once you conquer that, try something else. Work your way up to lunch and lunch is a great way to go by yourself, because a lot of people during the week take themselves out for lunch on their lunch break, so it's easier and then work your way up to dinner. And for those of you that are comfortable dining alone, try going to a concert or a party and then go to a tour or a meetup. You can meet new people. Maybe you want to make new friends. It's a great opportunity to put yourself out there and you're practicing aspects of solo travel locally. And then you can start with the traveling part. You can stay in a local hotel overnight for a weekend, take a longer local trip, then work your way up to a week-long trip and then go international.

Speaker 1: 26:54

If you want, go around the world, travel for a year. Whatever you want to do, just start doing it. But know that there's no right or wrong way to solo travel. No matter what, if you're spending time by yourself and you're putting yourself outside your comfort zone, you are going to learn lessons and you are going to gain more confidence and ultimately, you are going to grow your self-love because you're putting that time into yourself and you are just expanding as a person. And it is so powerful and it truly changed my life and that's why I'm sharing this with you today. So thank you so much for being here.

Speaker 1: 27:30

I am so thankful that I got to talk to you all today and share my passion for solo travel. As a thank you for all of you, I am sharing my 10 tips to begin solo traveling guide and I would love to connect with you. I am all over the internet my website, onegirltravelcom, I'm on Instagram, tiktok, facebook. I have a podcast of all the things and I would love to talk to you more. So thank you so much. Ok, my friends. So that's a wrap on my talk for the Women's Summit Design Live Thrive and I hope you enjoyed it, and I also would love to hear from you what podcast topics you would like me to cover for 2024. Your input is always so appreciated and I absolutely love hearing from you. So until next week. I will talk to you. Then, my friends.

Speaker 2: 28:23

Thanks so much for tuning in to this episode of the One Girl Travel Podcast. If you're enjoying the show, please feel free to rate, subscribe and leave a review wherever you listen to your podcasts. You can find out more about your host on our website, onegirltravelcom, or follow her on Instagram, facebook, pinterest and TikTok. Thanks again for tuning in and we'll catch you in the next episode.