Have you ever thought about the power of self-advocacy during your travels? Join me, Alessia Tenebruso, as I share a tale from my solo trip to Mexico that will convince you of its importance. I'll show you just how to assert yourself without overstepping boundaries, because you absolutely deserve the travel experience you've paid for.
Get ready to discover the power of self-love and the joy of forging connections with strangers. I'll share my personal journey to self-love and how it led me to foster lasting relationships with people I met in unexpected corners of the world. You'll hear about the conversations that turned into lifelong friendships and get tips on body language, initiating dialogues, and relishing your own company.
I want to challenge you to create your own fun during your solo travels. I'll share my insights on staying open to unforeseen encounters and the possibilities they can bring. You'll learn how to explore different activities to uncover what truly delights you. And remember, there's still a chance to pack your bags and join our Italian adventure with the One Girl Travel community - but hurry, one spot left! Tune in, and let's explore the world and ourselves, one solo trip at a time.
Join the One Girl Travel Mailing List to receive the monthly newsletter and my free: 10 Tips to Begin Solo Traveling Guide as a thank you!
If you enjoyed this episode of the One Girl Travel Podcast, then I invite you to follow me on Instagram. That's where all the fun is happening! @ONE_GIRL_TRAVEL
Have you ever thought about the power of self-advocacy during your travels? Join me, Alessia Tenebruso, as I share a tale from my solo trip to Mexico that will convince you of its importance. I'll show you just how to assert yourself without overstepping boundaries, because you absolutely deserve the travel experience you've paid for.
Get ready to discover the power of self-love and the joy of forging connections with strangers. I'll share my personal journey to self-love and how it led me to foster lasting relationships with people I met in unexpected corners of the world. You'll hear about the conversations that turned into lifelong friendships and get tips on body language, initiating dialogues, and relishing your own company.
I want to challenge you to create your own fun during your solo travels. I'll share my insights on staying open to unforeseen encounters and the possibilities they can bring. You'll learn how to explore different activities to uncover what truly delights you. And remember, there's still a chance to pack your bags and join our Italian adventure with the One Girl Travel community - but hurry, one spot left! Tune in, and let's explore the world and ourselves, one solo trip at a time.
Join the One Girl Travel Mailing List to receive the monthly newsletter and my free: 10 Tips to Begin Solo Traveling Guide as a thank you!
If you enjoyed this episode of the One Girl Travel Podcast, then I invite you to follow me on Instagram. That's where all the fun is happening! @ONE_GIRL_TRAVEL
Welcome to the One Girl Travel Podcast, episode number 57.
Speaker 2:
Welcome to the One Girl Travel Podcast, your passport to the world of solo travel With certified life and travel coach, alessia Tenebruso. Join Alessia as she shares her own journey of self-discovery through solo travel, while also focusing on topics such as life coaching insights and travel tips along the way. Now here's your host, alessia Tenebruso.
Speaker 1:
Hello, my friends, and welcome to episode number 57 of the One Girl Travel Podcast. I'm your host, alessia Tenebruso. Hopefully you're familiar with me, but if not, I want to do a quick little re-intro. If you're new to the One Girl Travel community, and if you are, thank you so much for being here and to all of you that have been with me since day one. I appreciate you so much and I'm just so grateful to have you here with me. And so, again, my name is Alessia. I'm from Long Island, New York.
Speaker 1:
I have been solo traveling since 2012. I had gotten out of a mentally abusive relationship. I no longer knew who I was anymore as a person, and I realized I needed to make a decision for myself, to do something I've never done before in order to get reacquainted with who I am and learn who I am as a person. And that decision was to go on my first ever solo trip. Back then, I was not comfortable doing anything by myself, and I mean anything. I would not go to the mall. I wouldn't even go into like a fast food restaurant by myself. I was very timid, very quiet, very not comfortable with talking to new people, and if you know me personally today. You know I have no problem with that anymore, but that's because I learned these skills through solo travel. And today I want to talk to you about some of the lessons I have learned from solo traveling over the past 11 years. And I'm so passionate about solo travel and life coaching because those two things truly changed my life. I don't think my life would be the way it is today, or I would be the way I am today, if it wasn't for life coaching, to have my mentors to solo travel, where I learned such valuable lessons about myself and who I am and what I'm capable of. And I just want to share it all with you because I know how powerful it truly is and I know that it can make such a big difference and change in your life if you choose to do it.
Speaker 1:
And I'm not just saying solo travel. Solo travel is a physical exercise of getting comfortable doing things by yourself and taking time for yourself, getting to know yourself. It's just one exercise of all of that. The whole point of solo travel, when I talk about it, is to find that confidence in yourself, to learn who you are, to embrace your desires, to feel comfortable doing whatever it is you want to do by yourself, without waiting around for anybody else. So, yes, I talk about solo travel, but it is so much more than solo travel. It's about what you implement into your life after you go on your solo travel trip.
Speaker 1:
So let's get into it. And let me just start off by saying my voice is very raspy today. I apologize if I don't sound like my usual self, but I'm here and I'm recording this for you. So let's go, because this is a very important topic and I'm not going to share all my lessons for you today in this podcast, because I think I'd be talking for hours and obviously my voice will not be able to handle that. So I'm going to go over just a few with you, and the first one is learning how to advocate for yourself.
Speaker 1:
So I was never an advocate for myself. I would depend on others to show me encouragement and cheer me on, and I would get that confidence from other people's reactions towards me, and I wouldn't speak up for myself. I'd let other people kind of stand up for me as well. And it wasn't until I began solo traveling that I realized I need to advocate for myself. I need to stand up for myself. I need to be my own biggest cheerleader. I need to support myself and I need to learn to speak up. That was something I really struggled with Back before I began solo traveling and in the beginning of when I began my solo travel journey.
Speaker 1:
If I asked for a steak cooked rare and it came in medium, I would just suck it up and I would eat it. I wouldn't say a peep. I didn't want to hurt anybody's feelings. I had all these thoughts about if I stood up for myself or if I explained that this wasn't what I wanted, that I would be hurting somebody's feelings or I should feel bad because somebody else did this for me and, even though it wasn't right, I should appreciate it. I just had all these thoughts and none of them are true. I'm not hurting anybody's feelings by saying, hey, this steak isn't cooked the way I asked for it to be. And, of course, always be polite when you are advocating for yourself, but sometimes you need to be more aggressive. I will give you an example.
Speaker 1:
Last year I went to Mexico by myself, to a resort, and it was just one of the worst trips I ever took. The water in my shower started turning off on me, then started shooting out dirty, muddy water at me and the room was not as advertised. It was just a whole laundry list of issues and I needed to say something because I was absolutely miserable. That was the first time I ever wanted to go home from a trip and I went to the concierge and I told them what was going on and I was patient with them. They tried to fix it. It didn't work and eventually I'm like something's got to give here. You need to give me my money back so I can go home. You need to transfer me to another resort. You need to give me another room. Like something needs to happen for me to actually enjoy myself on this vacation and If I didn't stand up for myself, they would have never have done anything for me.
Speaker 1:
I had to go down there Constantly throughout the day, constantly message them, constantly, follow up with them. I needed to let them know that my needs were not being met and my Expectations of what I thought I was receiving in this trip was nowhere near advertised and it wasn't even okay. Like not having running water at a what was claimed a five-star resort is not okay. So you need to understand that you are allowed to stand up for yourself and speak up when the timing comes up for you. If I didn't speak up, I would have gotten nothing, I would have been miserable, I would have felt like I wasted all my money and turns out, once I did get it rectified and it was alright, I got some credits back to my account, got some, you know, I got some things back to me because I Advocated for myself, I spoke up and I was consistent about it. And I spoke to some other people who had a poor experience as well and they were traveling with four people and they told me what they received from the resort because of their complaint, and it was nowhere close to what I received as a solo traveler. So because they didn't follow up, they didn't verbalize what Was wrong and what they needed, what they expected, they didn't really get much and I felt better about my situation because I did stand up for myself and for my experience and that was something I would never, ever do, ever, ever. So that was a really big deal. So, even though the trip wasn't the best, it was a learning experience for sure, because I had a flex my muscle on how to communicate and how to stand up for myself, and it was very empowering, honestly. So wasn't a waste of trip. It was still still fine once I got it fixed, but just that lesson alone was worth it.
Speaker 1:
Another example that I experienced pretty often as a solo traveler is when I'm going to a restaurant and they want to stick me in like the worst tables possible, either by the bathroom or in like this center of the dining room, just like these weird places that I don't feel comfortable sitting in it, like it's not an appropriate space for me personally. So I learned to speak up and be like hey, I would really appreciate that table over by the window or I'd really love a seat over there. I don't mind waiting again, always be polite. There's no reason to, you know, not be polite. But I spoke up for myself and then I get what I wanted and then I have a pleasant experience. If you just accept whatever is given to you when you're not happy with that, you're not gonna enjoy yourself. You really gonna want the bathroom door swinging and hitting you or the wait staff bumping into you from the kitchen or feeling like Even though this isn't true, but you know, sitting in the middle of a busy dining room and you're not comfortable there, like feeling like people are looking at you, which most likely they're not. That's probably in our heads, but still, if you're not comfortable there, you're allowed to speak up for yourself. You're allowed to change the table and, honestly, I used to be so embarrassed by this when my mom would do it when I was a Kid. Growing up, I feel like, oh my god, like why can't you just take what's given to you? But she had every right to speak up. She wasn't happy there and that's okay. So, again, be polite about it, but speak up for your needs.
Speaker 1:
And learning how to advocate for yourself goes far beyond just solo travel. But again, when you're physically on this journey of a solo travel trip and you get to, you know, learn and experience new things about yourself and then you implement it in your everyday life, learning how to advocate for yourself in relationships or your work, whatever it is, you're gonna learn who you are, what you expect, what you deserve, and you're gonna speak up for yourself. Now, when I have my reviews at work, I am totally fine speaking up for what, what I want or what I think I deserve, and if I don't get it, that's fine. I'm still speaking up for myself. I'm still saying it out loud to let them know that I feel this way. Saying goes for relationships.
Speaker 1:
I would walk on eggshells all the time, especially coming from a mentally abusive relationship where I felt like I couldn't communicate. Now I have learned to talk about what I'm feeling and what Isn't okay for me, and that is not easy. It's not easy, but it's something that needs to be done. If you're not communicating your needs to somebody, how are they gonna know what you're thinking or what you're feeling? And Then how are you gonna feel? If you're just holding back all of this Information, all these thoughts and feelings, to yourself and not sharing it, most likely it's gonna get built up and eventually it's going to come out, and it's not gonna come out in the way that you hope for. It's gonna be explosive. It's not gonna be good. You need to stick up for yourself. You need to speak up for yourself. You need to communicate your needs, your expectations, your desires, what feels good for you. Just stop Shying away from the conversations. You need to advocate for yourself. It's really, really important, and solo travel will teach you that, and it is something I am truly grateful for, and I'm constantly learning. It's definitely a learning experience and it's not always comfortable, but you need to just start doing it and it will get more comfortable and easy as you go.
Speaker 1:
Next up is probably one of the most important things I've learned from solo traveling, and it's self-love. Learning self-love is one of the most important lessons I could have ever learned, and the way I learned it through solo travel is because I am Representing myself. I'm alone in a foreign city and I need again to advocate for myself. I need to Be nice to myself, I need to support myself, I need to treat myself with kindness and pay attention to my thoughts. So, because I learned how to advocate for myself, I had to learn to become my own best friend, and when you're traveling solo, you're alone with your thoughts, and it's so important to pay attention to what you tell yourself.
Speaker 1:
Telling myself things like you're so stupid for doing this, or you're too big to do this, or nobody's gonna want to talk to you. You don't know what you're doing. All of these thoughts that don't serve me are things I'd never say to a friend, and so I'm thinking to myself why am I saying it to me? Why is it okay for me to tell myself these things? So I had to learn to reframe my thoughts and learn how to speak more kindly and more Compassionately and have more curiosity and show myself support when I speak to myself. I had to learn not to care what anybody else thinks of me and, again, that's still a work in progress because, yes, I feel that way in certain aspects of my life, but other aspects I don't. I still do care and a lot of us still care.
Speaker 1:
But if you can get to a point where you can go to a restaurant by yourself and not care what anybody thinks of you, if you can go to a concert by yourself and not care that you're by yourself, when you know who you are, your worth, your desires and you're doing it, and you look at yourself like a champion rather than somebody that is Doing something that other people won't approve of, it is so freeing, it is so empowering to not give a shit what anybody else thinks of you. It truly is, and Now I just do whatever I want. I really do. I don't care if nobody else is dancing, I will get up and dance. I don't care if anybody else is Looking at me or if I'm overly dressed for something. I don't care.
Speaker 1:
I'm living my life by my rules, the way I want to live it and I love myself for doing that and I'm proud of myself. And I want you to be proud of yourself and I want you to love yourself and have a healthy relationship with yourself where you enjoy your own company and you're talking to yourself kindly, you're treating yourself nicely, you're doing the things that make you feel good. That is so important. Having self-love is absolute freedom, because then you know if you have other people in your life that you know love you and support you, that's a bonus. But when you have self-love, when you treat yourself kindly, when you do the things that you want to do, that is so powerful and you need to love yourself first before anybody else can show you that love back. I truly believe that Truly Like, you need to have a relationship with yourself. You can't depend on other people to make you feel good. You have to feel good about yourself. So what are you doing that's going to make you feel good about yourself? How are you showing up in your life? Do you love yourself? A lot of us can go through an entire lifetime without feeling love for ourselves, and that is so sad. I don't want anybody to feel that way. You are amazing and you need to figure out what makes you amazing and appreciate those things about yourself. And solo travel gives you the time to do that. When you're alone with your thoughts and you're experiencing things for your first time, you get to learn more about yourself and you get to embrace all of those qualities in yourself that make you special and eventually you will fall in love with yourself.
Speaker 1:
The next lesson that I learned from solo travel is how to connect with strangers. So before I began traveling solo, I would shy away from being around people I did not know. Going to a party where I didn't know anybody was one of my worst fears. But when I began solo traveling, I had to embrace strangers if I wanted to socialize. And from the moment I got on my plane for my first ever solo trip, I sat next to this guy that was around my age and he happened to be a solo traveler and we talked the entire flight and he shared his stories of traveling by himself and he was showing me pictures and he got me so pumped up for my experience and that was like literally the first few minutes of my trip and throughout that whole experience I met other people and I embraced talking to them and I realized like, okay, I can do this, it's not so scary talking to people I don't know. And now, because I've done it for so long, I have made friends everywhere, I've gone everywhere I go. Everywhere I travel to, I am constantly meeting people and I absolutely love it. I think it's the best thing that you could do is to be open to new friendships or meeting new people, even if it only lasts an hour if you're on a tour or something, but some of those friendships last for years.
Speaker 1:
On my first ever big solo trip so in 2013, I went on a cruise to Bermuda. It was my first cruise, my first time leaving the country, and I Not my first time leaving the country, my first time leaving the country solo and I met this guy from Italy and we hit it off. We traveled together the year after he met me when I was in Paris and we're still friends. So for 10 years I've had this friendship with him and it was because I went to a solo meetup and I started talking to him and that was it. It's not so scary to strike up a conversation with somebody you don't know and if they don't reciprocate your you know your gesture of friendship, then that's okay, that's fine. Not everyone needs to be your friend, but at least you tried. And now, every time I go somewhere, there's always somebody to talk to, whether it's at an airport bar, whether I am on a tour by myself, if I'm in a store, wherever I go, there's an opportunity to practice communicating with people I don't know.
Speaker 1:
And some tips I have for you. If you are not comfortable making new friends or meeting people when you're by yourself, if the thought of having a conversation with a stranger really scares you, then here are some things to think about. Are you approachable? Are you smiling? Do you have headphones in? Are you looking down at your phone? Are your arms crossed or your legs crossed? You need to pay attention to your body language. So my biggest tip is smile. Smile at people, ask some questions, say hello, it can't hurt. I just I told you the story, actually, when I was in sleepy hollow, how I met a couple and I just started having conversation with them. I overheard them ordering something and I made a comment and we started chatting and that led to a really great conversation and all it took was being approachable and smiling and asking them a question about themselves.
Speaker 1:
If you're on a tour, that's a great way to meet somebody because you're already having a similar experience and so you can ask them oh, what's your favorite part of your trip so far? Do you have any recommendations? It's very easy just to engage people in conversation by being truly interested in them and what they have to say. But make sure you don't have your headphones on and your face is not in your cell phone, because that is an indicator that you do not want to speak to anybody. Somebody has headphones on. I am not going to approach them. I'm going to assume they do not want to be bothered. If they have a mean mug on their face and their arms are crossed and their legs are crossed, that's an indicator saying don't bother me. So you need to pay attention. What are you doing when you're by yourself? Are you approachable or are you not? And I do recommend to lighten up and allow yourself to be open to the possibility of meeting new people, because it really is fun, of course. Be aware, just your gut when you meet somebody, but also be open. It's not so scary to just meet somebody and have a conversation, and it doesn't have to be, even if you're talking to somebody that you find attractive. It does not have to be a sort of like romantic thing. It could just be a lighthearted conversation. There's no risk in it.
Speaker 1:
But on the subject of connecting with strangers, I just have to give you this little story that happened this weekend. So on Saturday I was in Manhattan for a haunted soiree event and I saw these two girls in costume and I thought it was so cute. I'm like can I take your picture? And one of the girls was like do you have a travel blog? Like yes, and she's like I follow you. And I thought that was the coolest thing ever to just happen to run into somebody because I approach them to take their photo and she follows me on Instagram. And I think that is like the coolest thing ever. So shout out to Wandering Wide Traveler, because it was so nice meeting you and your friend. They were dressed as Lucy and Ethel and, of course, I love, I love Lucy. So it was so much fun meeting her.
Speaker 1:
And finally, one lesson. Another lesson I learned from solo traveling is how to have more fun. So I have always embraced fun. Fun has always been a part of my identity. It is how I live my life. I always look for the fun. I like to have a good time, I like to feel good and I like to do things that I enjoy.
Speaker 1:
But sometimes you don't know what you enjoy. As you grow older, your taste might change or maybe you don't do the things that you once found enjoyable. So when you're traveling by yourself, you get that opportunity to rediscover what your flavor of fun is, and everybody is different. You might love going to museums, or you might want to go to bookstores, or you might want to go to underground nightclubs. Whatever it is, you get to do. Whatever it is that you find fun because you are there by yourself and you get to make up your own rules. And that goes for, you know, not even traveling.
Speaker 1:
If you just want a weekend to yourself, a night to yourself, what do you find fun? Maybe it's going to a concert, going to museum, maybe you want to take a pottery class or a cooking class. You can do all those things by yourself. You don't need to wait for anybody. And if that's fun for you, why are you waiting? Why are you holding out on having fun? You don't have to earn fun. You get to create the fun in your life and you create it by taking action and Finding out what you enjoy.
Speaker 1:
And if you truly do not know what brings you joy, what feels fun to you, just start practicing. Try all the things, see what feels fun. If you don't like it, don't do it again, but at least you tried and that's fun in itself. Exploring and experimenting and learning about yourself I think that's so much fun. So I really want to encourage you to figure out what your flavor of fun is, and that's a topic that we covered in the One Girl Travel Club. So if you are interested in joining us in the One Girl Travel Club, highly recommend you join. It's so much fun there. I love having my members Communicate what they are doing, what they want to do and, on the coaching sessions, seeing them grow. It is just the best feeling and I would love to have you, as part of the community, love to coach you on whatever you need. Have you take advantage of the lessons, all the fun stuff. So yes, onegirltravelcom, go sign up.
Speaker 1:
And Speaking of fun and signing up for things, there's one spot left for the One Girl Travel group trip to Italy. One spot left. I Want to see you on this trip. I want to go to Italy with you. I want to do all the fun things. We have amazing itinerary planned. You can read all about it. Go to onegirltravelcom and click on travel with me. It'll take you to the travel page where you can see the whole itinerary, what's included, where we're going, the dates, but again, one spot left.
Speaker 1:
This is your opportunity to travel with like-minded women, to travel with me personally, my first ever group trip. This is a big deal, so I hope you join. I would love for you to come join me and in the meantime, we're getting ready for a new month. November starts in two days. We're doing it, we're here. That means the new one girl travel newsletter will be out. So if you are on the mailing list, check your inbox on November 1st. If you are not on the mailing list, what are you waiting for? Because you not only get my, my baby, my pride and joy, the monthly newsletter which I love, love, love putting together for you, and the November newsletter is all about gratitude and that just makes me so happy and I'm so excited to share it with you. But you also get my free guide ten tips on how to begin solo traveling. So definitely sign up for that one girl travel calm. You can just click on it and you'll get your freebie and get on the mailing list, and that's where all the fun goes down.
Speaker 1:
And Until then, I hope you have a happy Halloween. I'd love to know what you're dressing up as an unholy and I love Halloween. It's so much fun. I am dressing up as Cruella de Vil and I got a little Little sweater for my dog to make them look like a Dalmatian. I think that'll be so cute. But yeah, I'm excited to get dressed up for Halloween. Take my niece's trigger treating.
Speaker 1:
And then the next day I am heading on a trip and I'm very excited to share that with you and I think I will be recording that episode while I'm there, because I like to Record when I'm in the moment Don't really pre-record many of my episodes, so you will get a live look into where I'm going, what I'm doing, who I'm with, and I cannot wait to share it with you. So I hope that these four lessons that I shared with you today in this podcast Inspires you to go out and start taking action on your life and do the things that you might not feel comfortable doing, because you're gonna grow from it and you're gonna learn new lessons about yourself. And in the future, I will record another podcast with some more lessons, because there are Many, many lessons I have learned from solo travel and I'm so grateful for those lessons. So I hope you have an incredible day. I hope you're in. November is Amazing. I'm gonna talk to you next week and, yeah, I'll see you in your inbox on November 1st. Have a great day, my friends.
Speaker 2:
Thanks so much for tuning in to this episode of the one girl travel podcast. If you're enjoying the show, please feel free to rate, subscribe and leave a review wherever you listen to your podcasts, you can find out more about your host on our website, one girl travel calm, or follow her on Instagram, facebook, pinterest and TikTok. Thanks again for tuning in and we'll catch you in the next episode.