Episode 53: Letting Go of the Outcome

On this episode of the One Girl Travel Podcast, we will explore the concept of outcome attachment and how it may be holding you back from experiencing the fullest potential of your journey. This is not your typical life advice. Get ready to shift your perspective on your life's path from solo travel to business goals. Let's challenge the idea of focusing on specific outcomes and instead embrace the beauty of the journey and the multitude of opportunities that life presents.

Now, let's dive into the heart of the matter – the art of letting go and the joy of embracing growth over results. It's time to question everything you believe about success and failure. What if the worst-case scenario could lead you to something better? What if starting afresh doesn't indicate failure but offers a blank canvas for personal growth? Yes, we are redefining the concept of a journey, shifting our attention away from the destination, and embracing every step and accomplishment along the way. Remember, life is not a race to the finish line; it's about finding joy in the process, feeling the breeze against your face, and relishing in the triumphs that come with overcoming obstacles. So please take a deep breath, let go of your preconceived notions, and savor this journey together.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to the One Girl Travel Podcast, episode number 53.

Speaker 2: 0:05

Welcome to the One Girl Travel Podcast, your passport to the world of solo travel With certified life and travel coach, alessia Tennebruzzo. Join Alessia as she shares her own journey of self-discovery through solo travel, while also focusing on topics such as life coaching insights and travel tips along the way. Now here's your host, alessia Tennebruzzo.

Speaker 1: 0:31

Hello, my friends, and welcome to episode number 53 of the One Girl Travel Podcast. Today, I want to talk to you about being attached to the outcome. This is something I am very much guilty of when it comes to certain aspects of my life and I can see how it can be related to pretty much anything when you look at it, because getting attached to the outcome means that you are focused solely on the end result. And when you're attached to an outcome, it makes you feel like you're in control. The fear of missing out, the fear of failure, the fear of scarcity and just unmet expectations are going to be triggers for that attachment to the specific outcome. And this can be for a solo trip. If you have a specific outcome in mind for your solo trip, especially like your first solo trip, if you're going into it thinking I'm going to meet all these amazing people, I'm going to do all these things, I'm going to feel great, I'm not going to feel lonely, I'm going to feel comfortable exploring, I am going to attract so many amazing things. If you're going into it just expecting all of these things, which is totally fine to expect them, but to solely be focused on those outcomes the outcome of meeting somebody new. Maybe you want to find a romantic partner or something on the trip. If that's your sole focus, you're going to end up being disappointed if it doesn't work out and you're also going to miss out on other opportunities because you're only focused on that end result and not the other things that are happening around you. And for me it's with this new journey of dating being focused on the outcome of, you know, possibly meeting the right person and you know what does the future look like with that person, instead of just enjoying what it is in the moment and just enjoying getting to know somebody and dating and not focusing on what's going to happen with that person, because then you set yourself up for disappointment and hurt. And I know it's easier said than done when it comes to me saying stop focusing on the outcome, because I feel that way when other people tell me that, but it's true and it's something to really be mindful of, because maybe you're not realizing how focused to the outcome you are in your life, whether it's a business goal, a romantic goal, money, whatever.

Speaker 1: 3:13

If you're so focused on that goal, you're going to miss out on the journey. And even though sometimes it feels like when you are focused and attached on the outcome, that it feels like you're in control and you feel like that's the right thing to do, what it's really doing is disempowering you and limiting your vision on what is available to you, and it's also going to close you off to new opportunities. You might not realize that if you're solo traveling and you're focused on a specific outcome, that there were other things available to you that you didn't even see. You didn't recognize them because you were only focused on that one goal, and then you end up missing out on things that could have been even better and more fun. And when you're so focused on the outcome that you want, you disregard other opportunities and it's going to rob you of joy and what's happening in the present moment and you're going to miss out on the beauty of what already is.

Speaker 1: 4:19

So now let's talk about how to actually enjoy the journey. Enjoying the journey occurs when you learn to let go and you release your attachment to the outcome. It's empowering because it shifts your mind and your heart from the fear of not achieving what you expected, but rather trusting life, accepting whatever happens on the journey and actually learning from it. When you release your expectations, it doesn't mean that you're giving up on your goals or your dreams, but instead you're allowing yourself to be intentional and present on your journey towards reaching it and then, when you let go of that attachment, it also implies that you're acknowledging the outcome is not totally in your control and as somebody who likes to be in control, it's hard, it's hard for me to just release that.

Speaker 1: 5:10

But it's true. We can't control other people. We can't control situations if we physically cannot control them, if it's out of our hands and this can turn into something that's completely different from what you plan for. But it can also be so much better than what you hoped and I love the phrase what is for you will not pass you, because it gives me hope that the things that don't work out that maybe I'm so focused on, if it's really for me, it's not going to pass me. And if it does pass me, then more than likely there is something so much better out there and I want you to remember that.

Speaker 1: 5:54

And just by having the mindset of actually enjoying the journey is going to bring you freedom and the confidence to act on your current life, while also being present and mindful in what you're doing and who you're being and the mindset is going to provide you with a feeling of just overall gratitude for what you have and appreciation for who you are and how far you've come to celebrate those successes in your life that maybe you don't celebrate currently because you're not further along than what you thought you were going to be. You're so attached to the outcome that you're not realizing all of the steps you've taken towards your goal and how proud you should be of yourself. You need to constantly be celebrating who you are and what you're achieving, and I recommend celebrating those achievements with others. If you have a friend or a family member that supports you on your journey, it's so good to share those achievements and the celebrations. And if you feel like you don't have that community, then I welcome you to join me in the One Girl Travel Club, where you can celebrate all of those achievements that you have and that you have that community and that support from others, and the doors are open. You can go to onegirltravelcom to sign up. I would love to have you as a member and to support you on whatever journey you're on.

Speaker 1: 7:24

So now let's talk about how to actually shift your mindset from being attached to the outcome to enjoying the journey. I want you to ask yourself some of these questions what is within your control? If you are, I'm going to give my example dating right when I feel stressed out because I'm so attached to the outcome of what's going to happen with this person and why isn't it working out the way I want and I get so in my head about it. And in those moments where I am overcome with thoughts and feelings and emotions, I have to ask myself what is within my control? What can I do? I can't control them. I can't control how somebody feels about me. I can't control how somebody acts. I can only control me and my thoughts and my emotions. So what is within your control? For me, it would be journaling, going out for fresh air, taking a walk, going out with friends, doing something that takes my mind off of it, or confronting the person about what I'm feeling, but it's going to look different for everybody and every situation is going to be different as well.

Speaker 1: 8:44

But ask yourself what is within your control? And then, what do you know is absolutely true. So when you're so caught up in your thoughts about you know, maybe you're not further along than what you hoped for with your outcome. Maybe you're disappointed in yourself because things aren't going the way that you thought they were, and you're telling yourself things like I'm a failure, I'm like I'm so behind, I don't know what I'm doing. Ask yourself what is absolutely true? Are those things true that you're saying to yourself Are you really failing? Most likely no, you're not, because you're still putting in the effort, you're still doing the work. What is absolutely true about the situation right now?

Speaker 1: 9:38

And then ask yourself, by holding on to the specific outcome, what could you possibly be missing out on when you're so focused and zoned in on your specific outcome? What are other things you might be missing out on If you're saying, nope, this is all or nothing, I'm going to reach this goal or I'm not doing anything else? Maybe there's other opportunities available to you that you're not seeing because you're so focused in on the outcome. If it's a job opportunity, maybe there's other jobs available to you that you're not even recognizing because you're so focused on that outcome. Maybe there's other people that are better for you rather than the person that you're currently focused on. Maybe there is a different activity for you on a trip that you're focused on. There are so many things that are happening around you, but you need to be open to them, and you can't be open to them when you're so focused on the outcome.

Speaker 1: 10:41

Another question is if you released that outcome, how could things change? If you just let go of the pressure of that outcome when you're dating again, it's an easy one, I feel like if I released the outcome of finding that perfect person within this year, how could things change? Well, I can enjoy dating other people. I can enjoy getting to know people. I can enjoy putting myself in situations where I could possibly meet people. I can be open to making new friends or new contacts or networking. There's other things available outside of that outcome.

Speaker 1: 11:26

Then ask yourself, what would enjoying the journey look like to you? The journey is the longest part of this. The journey is what you're using to get yourself to this outcome. It's supposed to be enjoyable. You're supposed to be present with it and not just want to rush it away to get to the end goal and that's it. So what would enjoying this journey look like for you? Would it be enjoying trying new things, putting yourself out there, learning, meeting new people, having new experiences, learning more about yourself, growing as a person? Think about what enjoying the journey looks like for you.

Speaker 1: 12:18

And then, what could you focus on instead of the outcome? Rather than focusing on your outcome, what else can you focus on? The growth, the process, the people, the situations, opportunities, all of that? And then, what is the worst thing that could happen if things didn't happen as you planned? And I personally love this question so much, because sometimes the worst case scenario is right where you currently are. Think, like, really think about that.

Speaker 1: 12:53

Sometimes the worst case scenario of not reaching your outcome is where you currently are, and think about where you currently are. Is it that bad? Can you grow from this? Do you know how to navigate this? Can you get further along than where you currently are to improve it? The answer is yes, you can. Where you currently are, you can keep moving from that. You can keep growing. Even if you don't hit that outcome, you're still going to continue to improve your life, improve your situation.

Speaker 1: 13:33

Whatever it is that you're focusing on, there's still growth available to you. You're not stuck. You get to choose how you're going to live your life. And if you do want that growth, if you do want to go after goals, then you just have to make that decision and keep working towards it. Don't give up on yourself. Just keep going and know that the worst thing that can happen is that you just start over and then you're just. You're smarter, you're more educated, you have more knowledge because you already went through it and you're going to keep going and you're going to succeed. Maybe not exactly how you hoped, but you're still going to succeed.

Speaker 1: 14:21

And also, I want to remind you that you're allowed to change your mind. Just because you always told yourself that you're going to be doing this or have this or whatever for years like that was always your goal, you can change your mind. You don't have to stick with that goal, because when you're enjoying the journey and other opportunities present themselves, you might realize oh, this looks like a better path for me, this looks like a better opportunity, this sounds more fun. Let me try this, and it's okay if it doesn't look exactly like how you hoped. What's for you will not pass you and you will find the thing that's right for you. Just keep going, and I hope this podcast episode does help to remind you that you should be enjoying the journey and to release your attachment to the outcome, because it's not serving you. It's not. It might feel like it is in the moment when you have that control or when you think you have that control, but all it's doing is preventing you from living and enjoying this life and being present in the moment, and I hope that you do enjoy this journey and that you do reach any goal that you set for yourself, but also to be kind to yourself on the process, enjoy the process and celebrate along the way, and I'm going to leave you here.

Speaker 1: 15:52

My friends, the next time we will talk will be in October, and I'm so excited for the October newsletter. If you are not already subscribed to the One Girl Travel mailing list, make sure you go subscribe on onegirltravelcom and you will receive my 10 tips on how to begin solo traveling guide for free as a thank you for signing up. You're going to get the September newsletter before it's archived and then you are going to get the October newsletter on October 1st and it's going to be so fun. That's always my favorite addition and my favorite playlist, and I love October. I'm so excited for the fall and I can't wait to talk to you next time. Have a lovely day and I'll talk to you soon. Bye.

Speaker 2: 16:58

I'll see you in the next episode.